Kelly Clarkson
How much tape do you think was employed here?
Gwen Stefani
The shoes look too small, but this is basically Gwen at her most immaculate. Even more striking because...
Lindsay Lohan
... Lindsay Lohan just looks like a ticked-off Dina-in-training.
Rihanna
She doesn't NAB -- even her abs don't NAB -- but the rest of this is so very Seventeen-Year Old Singer Does Not Have Stylist Yet. It's almost weird to me that Rihanna was ever 17. I feel like she'll be 26 in my memory always and forever, as if she arrived that way and will depart that way in 100 years as well.
Jessica Simpson
THE WORST. This was the tuna fish/"chicken of the sea" era, and indeed she looks like she's one flagon of mead and a case of scurvy away from being a pirate's wench.
Fergie
Luckily, if J.Simp HAD gotten scurvy, sucking on this dress would have cured it
Destiny's Child
So why weren't they called Destiny's Children? Also, even though the dress is gapping a bit so that I can see her bra, this is better than Beyonce looks most of the time now. AND ALL THE BRACELETS. Too many, probably, which may be why nobody wears them now. They were supped to death in 2005.
Joss Stone
I don't even care if this suits her personality. IT'S INSANE. WE GET IT JOSS. We have a Joss character in The Royal We who probably would have DESIGNED this.
Nancy O'Dell
O hell, O'Dell.
Shakira
Psst. You were supposed to leave your pants in the limo.
Kirsten Dunst
We didn't like this the first time around, but now I think she looks pretty good in it. Except for the shoes. I mean, am I hallucinating, or can I see the imprints of her toes?
Ashlee Simpson
Poor Ashlee. She never really DID figure out her niche, did she?
Jessica Alba
I could have told you this was from yesterday and it'd have been plausible.
Lil Bow Wow, Ciara
Even Ciara is really not sure about anything that's happening here.
Eva Longoria
In fairness, the crazy giant hair was in aid of her hosting gig that night. But the rest of it was in aid of NO.
Hilary Duff
"Dancing With The Stars" had just started a month prior, and I sincerely think Hilary was trying to embed herself in producers' memories as a potential contestant. Even the shoes make that argument.
Paris Hilton
Kevin Connolly back there looks like he's trying to get past without breathing in anything.
Amerie
Whatever happened to her? "Take Control" is a seriously catchy song.
Kristin Cavallari
Hilariously -- to me -- Getty only labeled her as "Kristin From Laguna Beach." It was a simpler time. But you'd still see that dress somewhere now, and we'd still eyeroll it.
Alicia Keys
This has to have cost $19.99, right?
Usher
Sir, you have gotten better at this.
John Legend
Sir, YOU are still pretty snazzy. But, do my eyes deceive me, or is that Noted Kook Jessica White with him?
Nelly Furtado
Styled by Brass Plum.
Common
This is for Jessica.
MC Hammer
He claims he's 2 legit 2 quit, but was he 2 legit to be sidelined by an audience that sorta lost interest? No.
Pitbulll
PITBULL WAS A THING IN 2005????? A THING THAT STILL LOOKED LIKE YOUR FRIEND'S CREEPY "UNCLE" WHO TRIES TO GIVE YOU JELLO SHOTS OUT OF HIS CLAVICLE?
Brooke Hogan
Brooke Hogan was never really a thing, but this outfit was... SOMETHING.
Paulina Rubio
It's like looking straight into 2015's own nethers.
Ice T and Coco
SPEAKING OF NETHERS. She's pregnant now and I just realized I made the Internet a lot harder for her kid. I'm sorry, Fetus-T. By the time you're old enough to Google all this will be destroyed anyway in the alien invasion.