Brass "Pickles" Ring, $65
Leave no doubt as to whether you want a pickle on the side. The answer is yes. Also available in sterling silver. This Etsy shop also has a "pickles" pendant and rings that say, "garlic," "kosher dill," "bagels," "pickled herrings," and "oy," among MANY other things. Maybe you know someone who needs a necklace that reads PASTRAMI. Maybe that person is you. - J
Fridge Cig mug, roughly $12
Something about using a coffee mug to ask for a Diet Coke really makes me laugh. This same concept is also available on a sweatshirt for roughly $15, both on Etsy. -- H
Pug Mug, currently $18
Also available in Corgi and Tuxedo Cat form! What sweeter vessel for your morning coffee (or desperation wine, I don't know). -J
Joy Creative notes for kids, $15
Joy Creative has stuff for adults -- adorable holiday wrap and stickers and tags, personalized notepads and stationery -- but I thought these were particularly clever. For anyone who has younger kids, this helps teach them the practice of writing thank-you notes without it feeling too challenging. Just a couple blanks to fill in, but their grandparents will tuck them away forever. -- H
Help cleaning your wine glasses!!!
I constantly struggle with my wine glasses tipping over if I try to put them in the dishwasher; these little clips seem potentially REALLY useful on that front? At 4 for $11, it's a great stocking stuffer. Ditto the $12 wine-glass-shaped sponges for cleaning by hand. They have a ton of slogans but my favorites are Pinot Cleano and Cleano Grigio, for obvious pun reasons. -- H
Vintage Spago Restaurant Ashtray -- $175
I (Jessica) LOVE a vintage hotel or restaurant ashtray, like this one from Spago. You don't need to be a smoker to give or gift them because they make such good catch-alls; I keep my rings in one. They're also good to hold your housekeys. The best places to find a good vintage ashtray are eBay, Etsy, 1st Dibs, and Chairish, which I found this one. They can get pricy (like this one from Hotel Eden Roc), so dig around. My advice is to find one from a place you've visited with your giftee, or a dream location, if you're gifting them. But sometimes they're just cool -- I love this "Boomtown" one. This vintage Disneyland one is also amazing, no less because they'd NEVER sell this now. (It might also be fun to give these with some fancy matches?) -J
Bolla Bowl, $93
Speaking of catch-alls to hold keys or whatever, this dish is the perfect size to hold all my remote controls and also my reading glasses, which is what it's doing for me currently. It's very substantial and pretty. People love a knick-knack! -J
Guenther Steiner shirt, $23
My sister and niece sent me this shirt -- paying tribute to the very colorful former Haas chief -- after I got them hooked on Drive to Survive. It inspired both the name of my fantasy football team AND replaced my ND jersey after we lost our first two games; we went 10-0 thereafter. Just saying. Available in basically every color from TeePublic (it was marked down to $15 over the weekend but I think that's over). -- H
Kimchi Sweatshirt, $46
From the same Etsy shop that brought you the GRAVY sweatshirt, I bring you another delicious celebration -- this time, kimchi. Much like our friends with the "pickles" ring, this shop brings you options: You probably know someone who wants a sweatshirt that reads, "Animal Style," or "Extra Cheese," or "Extra Guac." Maybe you have someone in your life who wants to rep Caesar Salad, or who would love a sweatshirt that just says LASAGNA on it. (That last person is me.) -J
Battery Daddy, $26
You almost certainly know somebody who would kill for a battery organizer. I know two, in fact, who nearly came to blows at a White Elephant party over this. It's $26 at Wayfair and you can also find it at Target on sale as of this writing, and probably Amazon and other hardware stores. -- H
Sauce Town tees
These are just two in a collection of MANY food-related quirky tees at Sauce Town, also the name of my future restaurant where we JUST serve sauces with things to dip into them. They're $33 on sale, and if that price is no longer in effect when you click, bookmark it and wait for another sale because the regular price is... not great. -- H
Various Cute Things from Twine Living
This site says its wares are 25% off today if you use FESTIVE25. That blue and white striped roll-up picnic blanket makes me wish I liked eating outside and on the ground (and there are matching baskets). The wine flight board is $43. Do you need (more) cheese knives? Because the tile-like handles on these are great. And six speckled terrazzo coasters for $25 is a steal; while you're there, check out all the funky glassware to go on them. -- H
Striped Trash Bin, $61
Is it weird to give someone a trash bin? Maybe -- maybe not. You know your audience! For my money, these are AMAZING trash bins. How often do you find yourself thinking, "wow, I love that trash can"? EXACTLY. -J
Puzzle Sorting Tray Set, $24.99
THIS IS BRILLIANT, for all your puzzler (puzzling?) loved ones. (Ideally, I would give it with a puzzle.) No more putting all the corners, or all the red pieces, or all the pieces of faces, or whatever, in a haphazard pile! -J
Frank Lloyd Wright puzzle, $19.99
DID SOMEONE SAY PUZZLE? You all know I LOVE a jigsaw puzzle and will never not recommend one. This looks pleasantly challenging, especially if you are like me and refuse to look at the final picture while doing it. Amazon has it, but this link takes you to Walmart; I've also seen it in a variety of museum gift shops. -- H
WTF Puzzles, $19-$25
Look, I'm not saying we need to call each other bitches, but I DO think Krystle Carrington would've said this to Alexis if Dynasty had a Halloween episode and she'd come as a fortune teller. So how can I not love this 1000-piece insult?!?
The 1990s Puzzle, $20
I think we are ALL going to have some notes about what's included on this and what isn't. You can find this on Amazon, or buy it direct from White Mountain Puzzles, where it's $20. There's also a really fun one with state trivia on it, or iconic state foods, and one that's entirely devoted to... the Pillsbury doughboy?!? Sure. Listen, if that's your kink, no judgment. -- H
Camp Snap Camera (Screen-Free Digital Camera), $69.95
These are SO fun and a great gift. It's like a disposable camera, in that it has no screen, but it IS digital and it's also reusable. The best of both worlds. Teach your kids that sometimes, you take a photo and later find out that everyone's head is cut off! (Or that it's GREAT.) I think we have a code, I hope it still works: HEATHERANDJESSICA for 7.2% off. -J
Heirloom Tomato Candle, $64
I know you've seen this candle everywhere and it is not cheap. However. It is LEGITIMATELY a REALLY nice candle. The smell is perfect, like a real tomato plant, and the glass container is hefty and elegant. Your candle lovers will be impressed you splashed out for it, but it's also a very good hostess gift for someone you don't know very well but want to impress. (I know sometimes people think candles are an impersonal gift but I personally LOVE getting candles GIVE ME A CANDLE and I am not alone.) -J
Candle warmer lamp, $29-$34
While we're on the scented-candle topic, maybe you know someone who LOVES them but is afraid of falling asleep, forgetting them, or having a pet/child knock them over. Try a candle warming lamp, which releases the scent and a nice glow without the actual fire (or the smoke in the air). Wayfair also has a ton, and at variable price points; you can find them on Amazon too. I don't think you need to spend much, but a timer and adjustable heat/strength are nice features. -- H
JCrew "Party Animal" PJs
As I type, these pajamas are currently half off at $64 -- a great deal -- but they may cost more than that later in the week. (I do not personally believe they will go all the way back up to full price but I have no way of knowing that other than the sixth sense that comes from having been a J.Crew customer for like 35 years.) Regardless: They are CUTE. The print is zebras with little ribbons around their necks! You can also get matching ones for the kids. -J
Andy Warhol Soup Can Color Changing Ceramic Mug, $11.99
This mug starts off in black and white, and changes to full color once it's filled with a hot beverage. You know we believe that everyone likes a new mug! -J
Jane Austen Marble Bust, $165.00
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single person in possession of nearly everything else already, must be in want of a $165 Jane Austen bust. It is literally marble. Put Jane on your mantel, or eventually use her to crack someone over the head! -J
Pride and Prejudice book vase, $45.00
If a marble bust of Jane's head is too much, maybe you have a loved one who wants a vase that looks like a copy of Pride and Prejudice! -J
Daily trivia mugs, $28
This is a fun idea, from Uncommon Goods: The QR code on this mug offers a new bit of movie trivia every day, for 365 days. There's also one that drops history facts, or literary quotes -- the latter with the option of up to 2 or 3 years of daily content, for only $7 or $10 more.
Taco booties, $29
You know how you want to nibble on a baby's feet sometimes? You will really want to nibble on them if they're in booties that look like little tacos!!!! (Maybe give this to the baby's parents with a gift card to their favorite local Mexican place, or even a bottle of tequila.) -J
Merino Waffle Knit Sweater, $140
Spruce gifted this sweater to me and I gave it to my husband -- not for Christmas; like an idiot, I just gave it to him when it arrived instead of saving it -- and it's VERY nice! I feel like it's unusual to see a waffle knit in this shape. Also in burgundy and an oatmeal. -J
Formula 1 Radio Coasters
Kevin got these for his birthday -- well, three out of these four (left two, bottom right; the fourth is an iconic Leclerc radio exchange about water). There are quite a few to choose from if you want to make someone a coaster pack, and as of Cyber Monday they're still discounted to less than $14 per coaster. Not super cheap but we love ours and I chortle every time I use one. -- H
Snakehole Lounge Keyring, $10
BREAK OUT THE SNAKE JUICE and call Janet Snakehole, we're heading to Pawnee's sickest nightclub. This is perfect for your Parks & Rec fan, but this Etsy shop has a keyring for everyone: You probably know someone who would love the keys to General Hospital, or Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, or The Bronze, or Lumon Industries. -J
Hors D’Oeuvre Clip, $12
Who needs a boring old hair clip when you can gift one with hors d'oeurves on it instead? (You could package this with these hors d'oeuvre-themed cocktail napkins for a whole theme.) -J
MLB Sundae Slugger Ceramic Ice Cream Bowl Set, $48 for two
I eat my ice cream out of the plastic version of this that I got at the ballpark, and I'm not alone! Help your similar loved one level up with a real bowl. (Of course, I grabbed the photo of the Dodgers bowls, but rest assured, your team is also available!) -J
Set of 4 Olive Magnets, $17.99
You could give these with some REAL olives, too -- but make sure you know your recipient doesn't accidentally pop one of these very realistic-looking magnets into their mouth. For the fridge door only! -J
Mulberry silk pillowcases, $45
If you know a curlyhead -- or even if you don't -- then they might need these 100% Mulberry silk pillowcases from Quince. They're gentle on your hair, can help reduce breakage and dryness, and might also be good for your face?!? I've been sleeping on mine really nicely and waking up without my usual insane bedhead, but I have not yet stared at my face because generally I try not to, so my research is not complete. -- H
Mini Heart Case, $98
I love Cuyana leather products, and this is an incredibly cute little case for makeup products, various cords, or anything you want to find easily in your bag. (It's also available in a bunch of other colors.) They also have this in a cloud shape, which is VERY cute. -J
The Reproductive System Sweatshirt, $84
Wear your ovaries on your chest and enjoy watching people figure out, in real time, what they're looking at. (Also available as a tee-shirt, and a knit sweater.) -J
Ramen light, $28.95
This cordless lamp lights up when you squeeze it and has three levels of brightness. I love a little kitchen lamp; wouldn't this be cute for that? Perfect for the ramen fans in your life. -J
Negroni Bottle Tote, $40
Everyone loves a tote! This one has six compartments for bottles -- it would be extra generous to present it pre-filled, but it's charming even empty. -J
Skull scissors, $20
These just project the right fierce energy, don't they? Shipping from the UK is an additional $14 unfortunately, but Etsy's site says they should still get here by Xmas, if that's your deadline. They also ship from this UK-based stationer and are priced lower, but I don't know the shipping fees. This one is apparently best for our Fug Nationals on those isles! -- H
Printfresh PJs, $148 range
This range of comfy PJs is sized up to 6X, and comes in a BUNCH of adorably quirky prints (and sleeve/pant lengths). I have these Vegas ones and LOVE them but added stripey ones to my Xmas list; there are wild animals, foods, nutcrackers, Manhattan buildings, you name it. Prices are variable but the sales can run deep; also, I believe their 25% off code, CHEER, works through today but unclear thereafter. -- H
All-Purpose Zip Pouch, $38
Technically these brightly colored Baublebar pouches are $10, but if you personalize them, they're $38. The fabric is polyester but feels like neoprene; I just used my hot pink one as a makeup bag, but right now it's keeping my essentials together (SPF, lip gloss, Band Aids, Aleve, etc) so they can leap from purse to purse. They won't guarantee Christmas delivery as of today, but if you're Treating Yo Self, then who cares? -- H
'47 X J.Crew brushed wool Notre Dame sweater, $248
These are NICE SWEATERS -- and a very generous gift for anyone who roots for any of the available following schools: Notre Dame (obviously chosen as our hero image as it is Heather's alma mater), UNC, Michigan, Georgia, Ohio State, Penn State, Michigan State, Wisconsin, or Northwestern. (There is no rhyme or reason to which schools are available! But enjoy, if yours is!) -J
Fusilli Candle, $28
We need more candles that are shaped like iconic pastas, like this one. It does NOT smell like pasta, however. It smells of "Jasmine, Neroli & Orange Blossom." -J
Prints starting at $18
This pink bookstore print charmed the heck out of me; it starts at $21 unframed and $75 framed, in a few sizes, though the prices likely go up after Cyber Monday ends. And then I found the evocative spritz by the pool, which starts at $18 unframed and $60 framed. Dive in! They're at Gourgues Posters. -- H
The Fiona Beaded Bag: Animal Edition, $98
This adorable beaded bag is also available in a golden retriever version. As a crazy dog lady, let me assure you that crazy dog ladies enjoy getting crazy dog things. If you know a person obsessed with her dachshund...you know what to do. -J
Striped sweater, $79.95
It feels like the Gap -- the bright minds behind this very cute sweater -- is inching ever closer to just re-releasing their iconic turn-of-the-century striped holiday collection. JUST DO IT! Until then, though.... -J
2026 Monster Vacation Calendar, $20
This is an amazing calendar. Let me quote Informative Caption: "Real vintage photos, fake monsters! After digging into a collection of 35mm slides from family trips across the country, I’ve created the ultimate collection of vacation photos, with appearances from local creatures. Did you know that Nevada monsters love daiquiris? Or that Monument Valley hosts a Triceratops herd? Or that Bigfoot has a van? Enjoy the glory of analog photography alongside fun 'facts' about monsters and calendar dates and more with this new calendar from Alternate Histories." Per the reviews, folks buy these every year -- right so, what a hoot. Also available in a National Parks version! -J
Wine cardigans
Ah, the wine cardigan, clearly the most enduring legacy of Olivia Pope and Scandal. Quince's Mongolian cashmere is great; this duster (available in many colors) is $110, but it stops at XL. Macy's has a cable-knit option in 2X in grey, and a beige version in 0X to 3X. J Crew Factory has a black one on DEEP sale ($30 as of this writing!) that goes to 3X, and this semi-applicable hot pink sweater coat in 1X-3X is awesome. -- H
New York Times Games Premium Puzzle Book, $38
This book seems like the perfect gift for your loved one who never misses the Wordle! Includes a bunch of other brain games and two mega-crosswords. -J
Green elephant earrings, $60.00
Everyone has that person on their list who loves a kooky earring! I am personally a lover of elephants, but you can also get Glitter Zebras, or Hot Pink Giraffes. -J
Polina Pro cordless lamp, $105
I got one of these lamps as a wedding gift and I LOVE IT. It is a WONDERFUL object and it's so helpful -- it charges by USB, so it doesn't need a cord, which means you can carry it all over the house, or take it outside. (This was useful to me when the electricity was out in my bedroom last week.) Available in a million colors. Practical and also so pretty. -J
Argyle scarf from Boden, $59 (for now)
Boden's gift guide has a variety of adorable seasonal knits and such, but my favorite is this argyle scarf, which is supposed to remain 40% off through Cyber Monday.
Choose Your Own Adventure Retro Box Set, $36
Per Uncommon Goods, this set includes "four classic titles — The Cave of Time, Journey Under the Sea, Space and Beyond, and By Balloon to the Sahara," all of which I remember, as well as " a collectible poster and retro slipcase for added throwback flair." I think I speak for all of us when I say: FUN. -J
QWERTYWRITER keyboard, $209.00
I played with one of these old fashioned typewriter keyboards at the gift shop at the Huntington and they are BEAUTIFUL and so tactile-y satisfying. They basically work with anything -- Informative Caption says with "any iOS, Android, MacOS, or Windows 10 and 11 devices." You do not get to dramatically smack the carriage return to get to the next line, but otherwise it feels and sounds just like an old-fashioned typewriter. -J
Hitchcocktails, $25
This is exactly what is says on the tin: a book of cocktail recipes inspired by the filmography of Alfred Hitchcock. --H
Let's Hit Each Other With Fake Swords, $25
This is ALSO fairly self-explanatory. It's excellent dumb fun with the fam and I DID enjoy hitting mine with fake swords last Christmas. -- H
Eucalyptus Stripe Bathrobe, $158
Everyone needs a new bathrobe. This one is cozy and dramatic and colorful -- a great combo. -J
Cat Etched Lowball Glass, $35
For your friend who loves to drink and also their cat. (To be honest, you could also put water in this glass! Perfectly appropriate for people who don't love to drink, also!) -J
Mini Evil-Eye Bracelet, $50
Everyone can use a little good luck. -J
Rage tee, $30
These might be cheaper still from Black Friday, but I am amused by the combo of cute designs and apt slogans, like this one. I'm also tempted by "It Is What It Is, And It Is Not Great." They're not ALL gloomy though. I know for SURE some folks will want "Ohhh... This Calls For a Spreadsheet." -- H
Heisting is for Louvres, $60
Okay, so this almost certainly won't be ready by Christmas, so maybe bookmark it for another gifting moment in your life for which this is an appropriate price threshold. But I could not resist! It's the story of the year! -- H
Elemis Pro-Collagen Complete Skincare Routine, $365
This is GENEROUS and thoughtful if you know someone who loves skincare. (I personally love this line.) I think if you spend over a certain amount at Elemis, you get a free gift, too, so that's fun. (We have a code: FUGGIRLS20 for 20% off. I also hope this still works!) -J
Morse Code "Fuck Trump" bracelet, $34
Just leaving this here in case you need it. -- H