Taylor Swift in Raisa & Vanessa

Taylor's new single came out last week, and it's very catchy, very candy-colored, very perky-peppy -- diametrically opposed to her last album, Reputation, which she tweaked when she had a snake at the beginning of the "Me!" video that explodes into pastel butterflies. So that may be driving her current aesthetic, exhibited here with a dress made with the Easter Bunny's favorite lilac coffee filters.

She seriously looks like she's about to skate her short program to the Little House on the Prairie theme.

Cardi B in Moschino

I love this color on Cardi, but the outfit feels a bit Cleopatra at a Luau. It doesn't feel designed so much as built around jewelry.

with Offset

There was also a lot of mounting on the red carpet, which is how I got very worried about the privacy of her privates -- she wrapped her leg at a precarious angle -- and how we know that Offset needed to be on dress loop duty for her.

Sophie Turner in Louis Vuitton

Little-known fact: The Garden of Eden was also the home to the universe's first all-female bike gang. Yes, they were called the Serpents.

Her outfit may look like a Slytherin making mischief in Herbology, but this is GREAT neutral makeup. 

Halsey in Aadnevik

I mean, why not? Tarpaulins have dreams, too

Maybe this is sustainable fashion. Maybe Halsey was throwing out her old pool cover, and a bra, and some lingerie, and of course a belt she doesn't want anymore because it's not big enough to be a shirt, and then suddenly thought, "BUT THE ENVIRONMENT!"

Sofia Carson in Giambattista Valli

This is hardly a surprise. She is very much a Valli girl. She's really swimming in those ruffles; it ALMOST works, but I find myself wanting to clip off the drooping part on the left and maaaaybe add a very thin gold belt? MAYBE?

Yung Miami

This looks like the homemade version, although I actually really love that color on her. I'd not heard of Yung Miami, but doesn't she look like she's the DNA mix of Cardi B and Nicki Minaj? They would of course hate having a child together but it would make for a good TV show.

Ingrid Michaelson in Versace

Apparently I haven't seen her in forever because I had NO IDEA she's blond now. She's ALSO writing a musical of The Notebook with a This Is Us writer, and is dating Will Chase, aka Luke Whatsit who almost married Rayna on Nashville, aka Whatever His Name Was from Smash. Have we caught up? Great!  I am impressed she has not broken an ankle on those platforms. Her skirt is loud in a way that could be very friendly with a more sedate top. And an actual top.

Ciara in Stephane Rolland

I just feel like Ciara is better than a heavy lumpy drape that's glued to the base of someone's crystal ball. Her little dude is clearly having the best time, though.

Eva Longoria in Alberta Ferretti

I looked at this and thought, "Is this MISSING a piece?" Turns out yes, it is. Once she sits down, she may regret wearing a fancy gynecological drape.

Poppy in Moncler x Comme des Garcons

I do enjoy a Statement Dress that isn't also a Naked Dress. If Ezra Miller's Moncler was an ode to Dementors, or Darth Snape, or whatever, then this might be Bellatrix Lestrange's Prom dress.

Julia Michaels in Paolo Sebastian

Sure! I would've tried for a statement necklace. But it's very simple and effective, and a little bit Lea Michele to me.

Ella Mai

Leather bike shorts are a vaginal sauna. She is brave.

Kiernan Shipka in Dior

I think this top is all sheer except for a very specific, and specifically calibrated, strip across her areolas. A word I hate typing about Sally Draper, who will always be a wee young 'un to me. Honestly, it's the belly button that's killing me. That skirt is so cute, and the top lets it down, and could easily have worked even by being FULLY beige-lined, or black-lined, or red-lined, or anything.

Sofia Reyes

Well, when it came to picking out her shower curtain, she spared no expense.

Lauren Daigle

Lauren has been a source of MUCH confusion for my ears, because if I close my eyes and listen to her song, I am POSITIVE it is Adele. I would bet the farm in a Daily Double on it being Adele. And when I am reminded it's not, I am as confused as I am now looking at her shirt and all the weird scrunchies she seems to have cut open and wrapped around strands of her hair.

Taylor and Cardi B Headlined the Bigger, Bolder Fashion at the Billboards

Where we saw lots of ruffles. It should have been sponsored by Ruffles.