Shanina Shaik in Zuhair Murad

I mean this is literally just a leotard with a fancy sheer robe but OKAY.

Meredith Mickelson in Rami Kadi

She had ISSUES wrangling this and I'm pleased to note that it WAS worn with a full bathing suit underneath. But doesn't these seem like the most annoying pain in the butt?

Meredith Mickelson in Rami Kadi

Also, the rest of it does appear to be made of the material you stick to the inside of your car windows for a DIY window tint.

Kimberley Garner in Joao Rolo Couture

"WHEE IT'S THE END OF CANNES I MUST SHOW YOU MY WINGS!"

Stacy Martin in Dior

Oh, honestly, Dior. Get a grip.

Stacy Martin in Chanel

She looks highly displeased, but I think this is sort of Grecian and cool?

Lady Victoria Hervey

"In case you're wondering....it's PANTS!"

Adele Exarchopoulos in Elie Saab

I am willing to wager cash money that this was intended for J. Lo and NO ONE ELSE because she's really the only person who could pull it off.

Marta Lozano in Yolancris

I believe this is technically a wedding gown. It's pretty! (She's a model and "social media influencer," but I'm not sure which of those really comes first on her resume.)

Olivia Culpo in Ralph & Russo

This could also be a wedding gown; perhaps she and Marta could be in some sort of Cannes-related BRIDE WARS reality show situation, for our entertainment.

Zhang Ziyi in Monique Lhuillier

This is dreamy and great.

Kirsten Ren

That bodice is an experiment in illusion netting (though she looks lovely).

Jasmine Tookes in Zuhair Murad

This is stunning on her -- to the point that I almost wish she'd worn it to something where it's less likely to get lost in the shuffle. (Though Cannes is, in many ways, The Oscars For Models.)

Elsa Hosk in Alberta Ferretti

This is gorgeous on her.

Milla Jovovich in Balmain

I like the kind of Updated Camelot feel this has, but it also seems like it needs an enthusiastic hoik.

Xu Qing

This is so elegant -- and at Cannes, its modesty also feels particularly fresh.

Patricia Arquette and Harlow Jane-Arquette

Patricia looks like the stern leader of your local Doomsday cult who writes an AMAZING book about it when she finally escapes. Harlow is her daughter with Thomas Jane, and I can see both parents in her face, and also she sort of looks like a Fanning sister? She's cute as can be.

Sistine Rose Stallone, Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin

Sistine and Jennifer look very understated here; I don't know if I can sign off on Sly's white pants unless he just came from polo.

Elle Fanning in Reem Acra

Speaking of the Fannings! This is ethereal and gorgeous on her.

'Elle Fanning in Reem Acra

Cannes is the best place for capes, it's true. Okay, and maybe also the Met Gala. May is CAPES MONTH.

Emily Beecham in Chanel

She won the best actress award -- she's in a film called Little Joe. I think Tilda Swinton could wear this and that's....literally the only person.

Virginie Efira

This is very reasonable, but she had MAJOR issues with those shoes. They don't look that traumatizing -- other than being high -- but they kept coming untied on her. Unknown DANGERS of the Cannes red carpet.

Catrinel Menghia in Gyunel

This is QUITE over-the-top, but it's also gorgeous and pleasingly dramatic.

Maimouna N'Diaye

This is lovely.

Catherine Deneuve in Celine

This seems very par for the course.

Paz Vega in Rami Kadi

This is super on her...

Paz Vega in Ralph & Russo

...though this might be a bit twee for my taste.

Paz Vega in Juan Vidal

And this is just entertaining -- the high fashion version of those whimsical aprons that have, like, a bikini-clad torso on them. (Also, those shoes have suddenly popped up EVERYWHERE over the last two days.)

Lea Seydoux in Louis Vuitton

Yeah, yeah, Louis Vuitton, WE KNOW.

Sara Forestier

I think she's still IN Patricia Arquette's cult, poor dear.

Virginie Efira and Adele Exarchopoulos

Virginie looks very chic here; Adele looks like she's in costume for a rom-com where she plays an incredibly obnoxious pop star.

Orlanda Bloom and Leonardo DiCaprio

Meanwhile, Orlando Bloom and Leonardo DiCaprio are holding a conference about sunglasses.

Cannes Ended on a Note of Mild Desperation...

...but also with flashes of greatness.