Julianne Hough
When I saw this, I was like, "This HAS to be the Swarovski entry," which is traditionally not my favorite, and indeed I was right. Did they run out of mojo, or something? It seems a tad on-the-nose to give her a bejewelled poncho made of hearts. What, is Jane Seymour designing for them now? And what is that hair? And the mono-sleeve? Let's go to the full-length shot.
Julianne Hough
Just... no. It's Miss America meets Miss Rhythmic Gymnastics, meets Miss Pretty Woman 2011, Hooker With A Heart Of Gold Who Delivers Consistent Excellence In The Escort Arts.
Linda Gray
Sue Ellen! I thought maybe this was a Marchesa, but apparently it's Pamella Roland. Either way, she looks great. And I know she played Amanda Woodward's mother on Melrose Place (and the infamously terrible and thus fabulous spinoff, Models Inc.), she will always be boozy old Sue Ellen Ewing to me. ESPECIALLY now that she's allegedly on board for the Dallas update along with Larry Hagman and a bunch of whippersnappers playing their kids. VIVA SUE ELLEN AND J.R. Remember when we didn't know who shot him? Good times.
Patti LaBelle
Oh, PATTI. There is no truth in those flowers. But those sleeves? Those sleeves have so much truth that they come right back around to being dirty liars. And look at how she wields them...
Patti LaBelle
This. THIS IS THE MAGIC. She both looks like she just realized she's not wearing pants, and as if she's got terrible indigestion. She could have MADE pants out of those sleeves -- and actually, bell-bottoms would be the only proper way to go here, I think. IMAGINE THE GLORY.
Lisa Rinna
I might be crazy, but this does not look red to me. However, I didn't see a picture (yet) of her on the runway, so maybe Rinna just finagled an invitation, and/or changed her clothes after posing for this picture. None of which validates that she looks like someone's understudy in an off-off-off-Broadway production of "Cabaret," but hey, at least her lips do look better. And I can say that with certainty, since we just saw Leona Lewis wearing Lisa's old lips as a shirt.
Giuliana Rancic
Sigh. I can't even.
Laila Ali
She looks pretty -- I wonder if it was FUN to get all dolled up like that when she is so pregnant, or whether she just desperately wanted to go home and put on some Uggs and eat cheese.
Katrina Bowden
I know Katrina Bowden is considered an up-and-comer -- or at least, I assume so -- but to me she's just that pretty blonde who has a couple lines on 30 Rock sometimes, which makes her the Heart Truth representative whom I most feel was contacted at the last minute because she happens to live in New York. Regardless, she looks nice, if perhaps a bit like they tailored someone else's dress to fit her by tucking all the extra fabric into a belt and calling it art.
Taraji P. Henson
Forget Heart Truth. Taraji needs some Boob Truth.
Taraji P. Henson
However, she is countering my Boob Truth with some Leg Truth, to which I say, "Can we get a little Crotch Truth up in this groin?" Gotcha, TPH.
Gayle King
Gayle, Gayle, Gayle. Your name anagrams to, "Ay, leg!" And I kind of wish you had listened to it and shown some, because without it, all I can do is stare at the crimes this dress commits against your midsection. And are we SURE that's red?
Garcelle Beauvais
The necklace is sort of cool, but it feels a little like a costume-jewelry addition to a dress that was once designed as a wedding gown, then made with red fabric to suit the occasion (as opposed to designed just for this). And since it's a Monique Lhuillier, famed for her bridal stuff, I might be right.
Archie Panjabi
I really, really wish this fit her better. Really. That bodice is doing nobody any favors, and really, you should do Kalinda every favor you can because she has a BASEBALL BAT and she is not afraid to use it ON YOUR CAR.
Eve
Conversely, this seems bridesmaid all the way. Really not wild about the fabric, although it's nice to see Eve again. Hi, Eve! Don't be a stranger.
Eva Amurri
I feel as though I should not like this, as it is essentially a coral hankie with a bow. And yet I think Eva looks adorable. Jet lag? Or just the power of Chris Benz?
Denise Richards
Okay, seriously, is this the Heart Truth Red Dress Show, or the Heart Truth Red-Adjacent Or Even Maybe Cousin Twice-Removed Show?
Suzanne Somers
She kind of looks like she could be Betsey Johnson -- I mean, minus some crazier hair, but you get the idea.
Cat Deeley and Natasha Bedingfield
I love Cat's Alberta Ferretti -- now THAT is some fun, artsy bodice work that fits her well Natasha's retro style is pretty, and she looks great in it, but it's one of those things that I think is a case-by-case basis. Like, if were ever ON a rack, it might not sing at you until you put it on -- and even then, to some people, it might sing the blues.
Natasha Bedingfield
But at least it has a fun back. I actually do really like this on her, and she danced around the runway like she was having a blast, so that makes me happy. Plus: the earrings. YES.
Dania Ramirez
I get so weary of Dania Ramirez's constant mugging.
Dania Ramirez
Up close the pleating on her Catherine Malandrino doesn't seem as funky as it did from a distance, and I don't love how it fits her chest. Maybe that's why she was trying to turn sideways and be all cute. I don't know. At least she's smiling -- usually she's pulling a total Attempted J.Lo Face, and failing.
Camilla Alves and Dita Von Teese
Dita looks like Dita; Camilla looks lopsided. That is one seriously unflattering bodice. How did her date for the night, Matthew McConaughey, NOT look at that and say, "Lady love, that is seriously harshing my ability to buzz on the joy of livin'"?
Camilla Alves
I mean, when you have to throw your hips out of joint just so your bustline looks even, you need a better stylist. I have no problem with people's boobs being naturally lopsided, but isn't that why we all invest in undergarments, and/or small systems of levers and pulleys affixed to our torsos by elaborate scaffolding?
Audrina Patridge
Someone totally forgot to invite Audrina's hair to the party. Such a shame.
Alison Sweeney
I mean, this is sort of... fine. Actually, I'm sure she looks great. I just have trouble taking Sami Brady seriously, because when they're not making her look CRAZY on The Biggest Loser, she's at her day job ping-ponging between a super hot psychopath and a super hot FBI agent. If Olympic ping-pong were that soapy I think it'd be a much bigger sport over here.