Face

She is gorgeous! I love her beehive! From here, she looks divine!

Full-length

And then it all started to go wrong. First of all, it's a bad sign when photographers are looking at the back of your outfit and smirking. I long for a time machine so I could go back to the Infamous Bjork Oscars and look at THOSE brave men. Also, can we see her nipples?

SLEEVES

You know how people like to use the word "brave" when describing clothes as, usually, a euphemism for "heinous"? This is brave. This is SO brave. This is so brave, someone is considering giving her a Purple Heart.

The sides!

MY GOD WHAT HAS SHE DONE.

Sigh.

At least she's got room for snacks. And by "snacks," I mean "the giant turkey I am currently defrosting."

The Infuggables

One of our photo services categorized this under "puffy," and I thought, "how RUDE. Her face looks fantastic!" Then I saw the dress. And that the OTHER category listed was, "BIG SLEEVES." That's not even the half of it. [Photos: Getty and WENN]