Kim in Givenchy

Kim did not come quietly to her first Met Gala. Kanye and Riccardo Tisci are pals, and he was running Givenchy at this time, so Kim and Kanye let him upholster her. This was for the "Punk" theme; perhaps the feeling was that there is nothing so punk as copious palm sweat.

Kim in Lanvin

This is the one time you could argue that Kim went a bit sedate. 

2015 in Roberto Cavalli

This was "China: Through The Looking Glass." I feel like... she got the "through" part.

So much depends on that one brave, tiny string.

2016, in Balmain

Kim apparently switched to this at the last second because she wanted to look "metal-y." Kanye has in icy blue contacts. Olivier Rousteing said that he is "daring and he does things before everybody and it takes time for people to understand." It's true. Four years later, I am still struggling with it.

2017: in Vivienne Westwood

The Rei Kawakubo gala demanded something unconventional, and Kim turned up looking like a maid who'd rolled in the hay and then gotten redressed incorrectly.

2018: in Versace

Slapping a couple crosses on something feels like the laziest interpretation of "fashion and the Catholic imagination," but it's better than the previous year, and I have to admit that she looks amazing.

2019: in Mugler

This split the room, so to speak, but if her intent was to look like she was rising from the water in some sexy campy film -- and I believe that was exactly it -- then she did it. 

2014: Kendall in Topshop

This does absolutely feel like a high-street take on a structural gown. That's not really a compliment. The whole thing seems half-baked.

2015: Kendall in Calvin Klein

This is mostly cool, but I'm unclear why "China: Through the Looking Glass" was interpreted as "passport to sideboob."

2016: in Versace

For her final project, Kendall had to program a computer to weave her a gown. It broke.

2017: Kendall in La Perla

This is ridiculous. "Avant garde" and "naked" at this point are so far apart. I honestly don't know what La Perla -- an underwear company -- was even doing there. This entire dress is an elaborate panty.

Oh my bad. An elaborate THONG.

2018: in Off White

I wonder what part of the Catholic Imagination this was. Virginity in a pantsuit? The priest's collar writ very large?

If my jeans from 2002-2003 are any indication, by the end of this night her pants would have been trampled and torn into Swiss cheese. 

2019: in Versace

She looks fantastic in this, though. It's one of the times when I've understood her as a model.

2016: Kylie in Balmain

I guess? This reminds me of the opening Dynasty credits.

2017: in Versace

That is one moldy, drowned mermaid.

2018: Kylie in Alexander Wang

This was three months after she had her baby, and apparently she had to be sewn into it. I wish she had just objected on the grounds of it being heinous. The tights say ALEXANDER WANG on the leg, too. But it's such an awful outfit to inflict on a 20-year old.

The Mark Hotel Celebrates the 2018 Met Gala

About the ONLY thing I can say is, at least she'd have had an easy time getting them out for a pump-and-dump. Otherwise, this dress indicates a woeful lack of understanding of the female form.

2019: in Versace

The mermaid is back, and this time, she brought floaties.

2018: Kris Jenner in Hilfiger

I would have taken the sleeves off? 

2019 in Versace

It was the camp theme, and I DID laugh, so there's that.

2015: Gigi Hadid in DVF

Moving on to Gigi, this was her first Met, and I think it's a very pretty dress whose main tie to the theme is its redness.

2016: with Zayn, in Hilfiger

Tommy claims this was a "futuristic spin on Old Hollywood," which, whatever. They're coating on Zayn wearing armor. If you've ever played The Talos Principle, well... that's him, to me.

2017: in Hilfiger

This was during the heyday of her runway collaborations with Tommy, so it makes sense that he dressed her. It doesn't necessarily make sense that he dressed her in THIS, but I guess it's... sort of avant garde? Does "avant garde" connote "jumbled"?

2018: Gigi Hadid in Versace

This homage to... well, either a stained-glass window, or an angel wing, or both... is fabulous. it was one of my favorites of the night. I thnk it hugs her marvelously.

And I love the back, and the shimmer of it. 

2019: in Michael Kors

And this was great. Gigi was peaking, for sure.

2015: Bella Hadid in Topshop

Bella's first gala was a forgettable one. Topshop is almost never the answer, to any question, except for maybe, "Where can I massively overspend in relation to the quality?"

2016: in Givenchy

The boot-socks are killing me.

2017: in Alexander Wang

I regret to inform you that Charlotte 2.0 died before she could spin a word into this.

But she DID spin a butt crack.

2018: in Chrome Hearts

Her veil for this weighed ten pounds, apparently. She looks like an evil demon queen and I love it.

She also managed a pretty striking photo on the stairs.

2019: in Moschino

Bella, however, did not keep going with her upward trajectory.

But this would make a GREAT postcard to send to your enemies.

Met Gala Rewind: I Couldn't Resist Rounding Up The Kardashian-Jenner-Hadids

I know, I know, but there's a LOT to see.