Naomi Campbell in Schiaparelli

I am pleased that she didn't slip into the Mônot trap everyone else did. Naomi Campbell should not need to swim in those waters, and indeed she is not. This giant jacket-cape is creating an unsettling optical illusion that someone is standing behind her and reaching around her.

I don't think it NEEDED the cape. Maybe she was cold.

Kat Graham in Philosophy

A fisherman's net is not pants.

Christina Aguilera

Those slithering snakes are extremely unsettling, but I love the touch that her hair is styled in a way that evokes them.

Claire Foy in Mônot

She has gotten the most reasonable Mônot in existence.

Cara Delevingne in Mônot

Honestly, even this one is considered "got off easy."

Cindy Bruna in Mônot

I MEAN.

Eva Longoria in Mônot

Danger, Eva! Move carefully.

Nina Agdal in Mônot

It honestly feels like the entire runway show got loaned out for this event.

Hana Cross

Fair to assume that's also Mônot?

This is a defensive stance if ever I've seen one. Just hold it in place and then nothing can go wrong!

Isabeli Fontana in Mônot

This, from the front, is exactly as you imagine.

Natasha Poly

Psych! This one is by Dundas, although even the Mônot people probably looked at it for a second and thought, "Wait, we made that... right? Did we?"

Elsa Hosk in Valentino

I guess this is reasonable. It's like Alice in Wonderland meets Little Jenny Humphrey.

Charli XCX in Jean Paul Gaultier

This is 2022 Gaultier, and feels like a half-baked and poorly reheated Gaultier.

Casey Affleck and Caylee Cowan

Casey's suit is very nice. He is 46 and she is 24. I didn't know that until the last time we featured them. She DOES kind of look like she could be his kid and it's weird.

Candice Huffine

This has a solid white back that really does look like someone just took two halves of a dress and tied them together.

Stella Maxwell

This is so reaasonable.

Hofit Golan

As is this! I even like it! We're two for two!

Sabrina Elba

This is... okay? That seam across her front is unappealing, but it fits. You KNOW I am going to say her necklace should be bigger, though. I am a broken record on that score.

Lena Mahfouf

Like THIS necklace, She is here for our necklace consultation needs. Her dress is forgettable, but that still puts us on a decent roll here. Can we keep it up?

Fancy Alexandersson

No. No we cannot.

Duckie Thot

This could be worse, and by this slideshow's standards "could be worse" is high praise.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/Shutterstock (12958143gp) Indya Moore 28th annual amfAR Gala, Arrivals, 75th Cannes Film Festival, France - 26 May 2022

Sabrina Carpenter in Mônot

I thought those were just two silly bits of frippery at her hips...

... and I was correct, they ARE silly, THIS IS ALL SILLY.

Alton Mason

He is DETERMINED to bring tinted shades back in, by jove.

Kylian Mbappe

Well. He is dreamy.

Tallia Storm

For a second, I thought this was Lindsey Vonn, but in fact, tonight the role of Noted Saloon Owner is being played by Tallia Storm.

LaKeith Stanfield in Dior

I know the hat says Dior on it, but this is definitely not a ballcap event, and ESPECIALLY not in that color with this outfit.

Noemie Lenoir

I guess this is pinkish; at the time I made this slideshow I thought it was a beigey neutral. Oh well. It's BAD, I know that. She has a real moth problem.

Maye Musk

She is undeniably cool looking, but dang, I was bummed when I found out (years ago, at this point) that Elon is her son. I hoped she was just... another Musk. She said something about how she's worried about him and I thought, "Oh, is it because he's INCREASINGLY TERRIBLE," and it turns out it's just because people on Twitter make fun of him. A mother's love, I suppose. I don't actually know much about her as a person. Her Wiki page is a ride -- apparently her dad was a "chiropractor and amateur archaeologist" who spent a decade taking them to look for the Lost City of the Kalahari?!?

I do not know what the hell THAT is supposed to mean. Is it a literal play on a smoking jacket? Is she explaining what she's doing every time her back is turned? Is she going to stand outside and be a signpost for the people who are looking to sneak a cig?

Everyone Else at the amfAR Gala Wore Black or White

Zzzz.