Kristin Cavallari in YSL
I think K.Cav is sincerely one of reality TV's greatest characters and a classic soap opera villain, and this outfit is MY villain origin story because I HATE IT. It's like Sandy's pants from the end of Grease had a fight with three inept strapless bikini tops. It is, to use a technical fashion term, dumb.
Bethenny Frankel (RHoNY)
I have mixed feelings about Bethenny -- while also acknowledging that (a) she was vital to RHoNY for a long time and (b) her charity does seem to be sincerely effective in times of crisis -- but this seems right for an MTV joint.
Dorinda Medley (RHoNY) and Taylor Armstrong (RHoBH)
Am I looking forward to the new season of Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip, wherein a variety of fired Housewives take their Jovani to Dorinda's house in the Berzerkshires and scream at Vicki Gunvalson for hours? AM I! Anyway, they look as expected.
Kyle Richards and Dorit Kemsley (RHoBH)
Kyle looks like Kyle. (Fine, basically, with logos.) And Dorit also looks like Dorit, in that this ensemble is inexplicable. Is there a lace apron happening somewhere in there?
Lisa Rinna in Saint Laurent, Erika Jayne (RHoBH)
It's ironic that Rinna is dressed as a cat burglar, given that Erika has been bedeviled for two seasons now by the fact that her husband ALLEGEDLY stole an insane amount of money from widows and orphans.
Garcelle Beauvais (RHoBH)
As I note every time we feature Garcelle, I love her. Unfortunately, she looks like she fell through a wall of Muppets on the way to this event.
Kathy Hilton (RHoBH)
I would truly believe it if you told me Kathy just showed up on her way to something else.
Paris Hilton in Sol Angelann
Honestly, Paris looks fine. I do wonder if she's started wearing those gloves because, like Madonna, she's stressed about her aging hands.
Crystal Kung Minkoff (RHoBH)
I like Crystal and think she has beautiful hair and an interesting and generally tasteful wardrobe. This is fine? I feel like she could have perhaps pushed the envelope a bit for MTV.
Sutton Stracke (RHoBH)
I've got real Shoe Concerns, but that clutch is the perfect color.
Tamra Judge (RHoOC)
This seems a little over-large on Tamra at the top, but I do love the bag. THAT'S MY OPINION!!!!!! (A famous quote from the woman in question and something I often feel like screaming here.)
Joe and Melissa Gorga (RHoBJ)
This is....essentially unobjectionable but also rather boring. MANY of these people look like they could also be going to the opening of a new outbranch of Koi in Vegas.
Teresa Giudice (RHoNJ)
This is, like Teresa herself, slightly deranged. A bikini top had a baby with a goth tablecloth, and the result is, honestly, too much information. (She bought her fiance with her to this event and I just didn't feel like dealing with him.)
Ariana Madix, Tom Sandoval (Vanderpump Rules)
Vanderpump Rules, once a trashy jewel in Bravo's televisual crown, desperately needs to be rebooted. I do not want to turn on my TV to watch people be mildly annoyed with each other in a giant house in the Valley. I want to watch unhinged young cater-waiters scream at each other in an alley, the way they used to! Anyway -- Tom looks like he's toying with becoming a super villain who sells tennis bracelets out of the trunk of his car, and Ariana is stressing me out because I feel like we're all really close to seeing her labia. I say this as someone who basically likes both of them.
James Kennedy and Alexandra Lewber (Vanderpump Rules)
I see DJ James Kennedy has a type! His current girlfriend -- who is very young and looks cute -- looks very much like his ex-fiance. I DO think DJJK looks very sharp here, though. (And is low-key the smartest person on VPR, although also very self-destructive.)
Lindsay Hubbard and Carl Radke (Summer House)
I, as I've shared here previously, LOVE THEM and want them to THRIVE and I also want Lindsay to change because I think this outfit is dumb. Carl, who is infamous for wearing tight white jeans on Summer House, looks very snappy, though.
Paige Desorbo (Summer House), Craig Conover (Southern Charm)
Did the Summer House stylist get a discount on mesh? I loathe this on Paige; she looks like Party City Gatekeeper from Ghostbusters. Craig looks good, admittedly. I am UNSUPPORTIVE of this couple, mostly because I feel like they REALLY want to be the Bravo Power Couple and Paige at least should be better than that.
Tarek El Moussa and Heather Rae Young (Selling Sunset)
This is where I confess I have not yet watched the newest season of Selling Sunset, one of TV's most soothing one-eye watches. Heather looks totally reasonable and VERY blonde.
Chrishell Stause (Selling Sunset) in Grace Ling
I love Chrishell and I wish this bra top felt less like a bikini top and more like an actual crop top? But I love her hair and also that her purse is just a silver butt.
Davina Potratz (Selling Sunset)
This has real 2007 vibes.
Chelsea Lazkani (Selling Sunset)
She's new this season, so I haven't met her yet, but this dress DOES seem on-brand for an event where J.Lo will be present.
Emma Hernan (Selling Sunset)
The Selling Sunset crew all slightly looked like they were going to the opening of a fancy adult pool in Vegas. This entire event had slight Vegas vibes.
Mary Fitzgerald (Selling Sunset)
As I was saying.
Joey Essex
Okay, but where can I watch recent seasons of The Only Way Is Essex? WHERE?!?!!!!
Meg Stalter and Benito Skinner
I do not know why Meg Stalter -- so funny on Hacks, my god -- is at this portion of the festivities, but she does look nice. (I think there were some comedians honored as being...Unscripted? That's definitely not right.)
Ronny Chieng
Love the shirt, but is he a little washed out in this? (I honestly don't think I've ever said that about a man before. EQUALITY!!!!)
Nick Viall (The Bachelor, etc)
Like maybe they should trade suits?
Rachel Lindsay (The Bachelor etc)
I....kind of really like this? I don't know. It might in part be because I like her a lot.
Tayshia Adams (The Bachelorette, etc) in vintage Vivienne Westwood
But I also really like Tayshia and this doesn't feel quite summer-y enough for this event. This dress has Autumnal Vibes for me. Having said that: I love vintage Vivienne Westwood for her conceptually.
Cornbread, Gottmik, Symone, Kerri Colby (RuPaul's Drag Race)
Very glam finish!
