Maria Borges

She wins this slideshow for me. It's not even close.

Irina Shayk

So, yesterday a rumor hit that Irina is pregnant with Bradley Cooper's baby, although he didn't comment. This outfit feels very much like, "NOTHING TO SEE HERE except for all the things there are to see here, but obviously I'm not telling you anything, but INFER AWAY."

Alessandra Ambrosio in Alessandra Rich

Same as it ever was. This design is weird. Her throat and her belly look like they got matching trach holes.

Bella Hadid in Julien Macdonald; Gigi Hadid in Versace

We'll get to Bella in a minute. As of this writing, the only Gigi pics available were of both of them, so starting with Hadid the Greater: Gigi's dress is cutting across her boobs strangely, like a car whose aligment is off, but if this was a flippy little mini it might have worked fairly well on her. As it is, she looks like a cave lady who made formalwear out of the hide of the engangered Disco Wildebeest.

Gigi Hadid

This sort of helps you imagine the whole thing being shorter. I guess we did mullet dresses, and now we get sideways mullet dresses.

Bella Hadid

And Bella's... I mean, like everything Julien Macdonald makes, it would be beautiful IF IT WERE NOT A WINDOW INTO HER BITS. She looks ridiculous. They're not even interesting undercrackers! YOU WORK FOR VICTORIA'S SECRET. PLAN AHEAD. Also, no matter where Bella is, she looks like she's either dumbfounded by it or just in deep WTF mode about it.

Devon Windsor

This is like the Juniors version of Bella's.

Lais Oliviera

That's a pretty decent minidress, right?

Lameka Fox

This almost feels like Lameka was ENRAGED that she and Lais looked so similar, so she threw some tulle over hers and made it look new. It's like upcycling, but out of fury. 

Rachel Hilbert

This just looks like gangrene is spreading from her ladyparts.

Stella Maxwell

Sigh. I mean, considering where we are, okay. But it's so blah.

Elsa Hosk

Commit, y'all. Either you want the fur stole, or you don't.

Cindy Bruna

This outfit looks like she made it out of a guardsman's busby and some Erdem clippings, but it's one of the best ones so far, which is... QUITE A STATEMENT.

Hereith Paul

This is visually striking without also involving underpants. Thus, a win of some kind.

Lais Ribeiro

This is sort of a gold version of Kendall Jenner's birthday dress, which itself was apparently a deliberate copy of one Paris Hilton wore more than a decade ago. Is that a Fame Junkie Circle of Life thing

Liu Wen

"It's not finished ye--" "It's cool. I'll belt it. No one will notice."

Lily Donaldson

Sexy and cool.

Kendall Jenner in Camilla & Marc

This has a similarly slinky vibe. It's... fine? Obviously her bod can sell whatever it wants. She's genuinely a lovely-faced person and I badly hope she resists the plastic surgery bug that has bitten at least one of her sisters.

Joan Smalls

I liked this better when, in the thumbnail, I thought those were gold stripes.

Maggie Lane

This feels like she stole it from Hailee Steinfeld's stylist, leaving her with nothing to pitch her client for an upcoming premiere.

Adriana Lima

And this is weirdly sensible, in a way that admittedly seems weird for a VS event -- all the nudity is at least on-brand for a lingerie company -- but which is also refreshing to me because I am old. Thank you, Adriana.

The Victoria's Secret Afterpanty -- Er, We Mean Afterparty

Naked Hadids ahoy, and a possible Bradley Cooper baby.