As you might have guessed from everything else she's worn this season, her top was way too complicated and SUPER dependent on sparkles and hardware.
Gwen in Charbel Zoe
This show never does a good job getting a standing shot of its judges. Fortunately, Getty Images did; we just couldn't buy it. Click and bask in how THIS IS HEINOUS. It's a tutu and a net. Which I guess is better than denim diapers? OR IS IT. (It probably is.)(IS IT?????")(This is an impossible choice.)
I also need to point out how bad the black hunks in her hair are. It looks like one of her kids went to work with a wide-tipped Sharpie while she napped.
She then sang with Blake in a very cute checked outfit that was also intensely short. Like, "Short Skirt Long Jacket," except even the jacket isn't actually long. And because of the set, her white boots get lost against the couch.
John Holiday
Sidebar: John Holiday, who kind of petered out at the end (until his duet -- on results night, so too late to count -- with John Legend, which I thought was super), wore this half-jacket half-cape. I love his style. He often would match his glasses frames to his outfit? He came in fifth (out of five) and I think he MAY have earned that just based on performances alone, but the one extremely amiable-seeming country dude -- the one who doesn't sound like Tom Waits -- was sufficiently bland that I would've booted him first. There are a hundred like him.
Gwen in D&G
Gwen dipped back into the D&G well for a collage of a dress, and again, let the woman -- who, like it or hate it, is styled from top to toe -- show off the outfit they fastidiously put together. Honestly... I DO wish someone like Gwen could spotlight smaller designers each week. Those businesses need the commissions. It could be her thing -- what small business designer are you wearing, what is that brand's story?
It's also, again, not even that great? It looks so tight, and like a Rose Parade homage.
John Legend
John appears to have some very sparkly gangrene.
DeSz and Kelly
Every grouping did intentionally kooky holiday gear, and I want every ugly sweater. Kelly's dress would be good novelty sheets for kids.
I need Blake's sweater.
John H.'s sweater reminds me of my Spode Christmas dinnerwear. John's sweater is sort of charmingly semi-homemade...
... but why does that child's hoodie look like a PA had to do it in five minutes? And why does Gwen have a cat face on her overalls?
DeSz
She can pull off anything, but especially hats. She's so cool. Somebody please sign her. Honestly, in a lot of ways it's probably better not to win, because you've still gotten noticed but you aren't (hopefully) locked into any winner's contract that you might not actually like.
Lauren Daigle
Lauren came on to sing "You Say," which they really should've let her sing with Carter, who performed it. She thoughtfully wore a zany blouse that is BEDECKED with tchotchkes. Like, that is more pieces of flair than I was ready to see.
I guess at least the ruffles looked dramatic on-stage.
Julia Michaels and JP Saxe
These two started sitting at opposite ends of a long table, then ended up standing on said table and walking toward each other, which with that skirt... created a VERY precarious camera angle.
Gwen in Siriano
And then Gwen popped out looking like a Christmas tree, which is very apt for her cute duet of "You Make Me Feel Like Christmas" with a 15 year old boy for which they had to make sure the song did not compute as any kind of love song.
The Finalists
All hail John H.'s and Desz's sparkles. They came to WIN, sartorially and otherwise. (They did not. Bottom two. JUSTICE FOR DESZ.)
But what cracked me up the most was that you can KIND of make out the other people standing in the middle of the confetti, but Gwen's dress ends up working like absolute camouflage. "Erased... from existence," whispered Doc Brown.