Lanvin
Let's begin with... a cloud of... crystals?
Andreas Kronthaler for Vivienne Westwood
For the Wookiee-loving person in your life.
Marras
For the... Yeti-loving person in your life?
Burberry
We all clutched our pearls at these horrid Burberry shoes, and they ARE inexplicable, but Burberry was not the only person to transgress thusly.
Gucci
OF ALL THE THINGS TO CATCH ON.
Sportmax
How to recycle your old wigs.
Stella McCartney
The shoes are bad, but making people walk in sand in HEELS? The worst.
Rokh
MAKE IT STOP. Oh, wait, I'm the person who can make it stop in this context, AND SO I SHALL.
Andreas Kronthaler for Vivienne Westwood
I laughed.
Boyy
I... don't think my fingers can go there while walking.
Botter
These sneakers look like those little booties you put on at real-estate open houses. Or surgeries, or whatever.
Bhype
These actually did make the rounds on a couple celebrities, who apparently wanted to look like Nintendo characters.
Awake Mode
The toe button amused me.
Ifm Master Arts
THIS PUNCHED MY BRAIN.
Az Factory
So these aren't like... HILARIOUSLY bad or anything? But I included them because platform flip-flops are ingrained in me from 10 Things I Hate About You. I vividly remember how often Julia Stiles wore them. Leave them there!
Awake Mode
I actually don't hate these conceptually but I wonder if the giant baubles knock into eac other.
Off White
I DO hate these conceptually.
Awake Mode
SO BIG.
Aniye Records
So... sleeves!
APC
So... Go-Pro?!?!?
Amato
Untold opportunities for blisters await you!
Y Project
DITTO.
Adeline Andre
Shrug.
Tory Burch
Wait, isn't everyone talking about how Tory Burch is cool now? Are... we sure about that?
Off White
They look like someone ran them over with a very tiny steamroller.
Yamamoto
Whereas those look like they were hit with a frying pan.
Yuzefi
How did any of these models survive? Models need to be paid more. Regardless of what they are being paid, it should be more.
Ulla Johnson
Scrunchy shoes!
Thom Browne
What if you walk around all day not realizing your clock has stopped? WHAT THEN.
Thom Browne
That definitely would not get annoying. I imagine all the cats in the neighborhood coming out and chasing this bell.
Slimi Studio
Where pants and boots collide.
Slimi Studio
These look like shoes that have put on a coat for winter.
Juana Martin
How... comfortable.
Loverboy
Nice pedicure. Imagine kicking someone in those.
Lallier
Please God no can we stop. There were a bunch of these, but I decided not to show them all; I think they may have been done by the same designer for a few different runway shows. Also I didn't want to look at more of them.
Juana Martin
Those are so HIGH, my GOD.
Ferragamo
Those look like they have a kickstand.
Gaultier
Are these tights over shoes?
Hodakova
Amazingly these are NOT Schiaparelli.
Collina Strada
I thought these were those horrible truck testicles for a second but they're just hooves. JUST SNEAKER HOOVES.
Andreas Kronthaler for Vivienne Westwood
Mmmhmm.
Jil Sander
Leather socks and a leather sandal. What a combo.
Ottolinger
I hope these are gummy.
Budapest Select
And I hope that is shaving cream.
Off White
Can you switch the lenses for different focus lengths?
Off White
Wheels are so hot now.
Off White
These feel VICIOUS.
Balenciaga
Imagine the tint.
Custo Barcelona
These are hideous but also I sort of want to try them on.
Ifm Master Arts
PASS.
Pierre Cardin
For when you're hot for shapes.
Del Core
Does one file this as a hat, or as glasses? It was filed as the former, but I suspect you could argue it either way.
Palomo Spain
I like to rest my head on a pillow. I don't love resting a pillow on my head.
Vaquera
I don't... want to do this.
Louis Vuitton
It looks cozy, at least?
Van Beirendonck
This is my migraine.
Rodarte
I DO hope bonnets make a comeback.
Bora Aksu
Me, on Easter morning.
Bode
Me, on Christmas morning.
Margiela
That's a novel way to pick up and store your dog's waste.
Louis Vuitton
Well that's one way to do it.
Loverboy
Purse hat for the win!
Kiko Kostadinov
A milliner's ode to Pac-Man's ghosts.
Andreas Kronthaler for Vivienne Westwood
"DON'T LOOK AT ME BUT LOOK AT ME."
Kei Ninomiya
"LOOK AT ME BUT I HAVE NO DESIRE TO LOOK AT YOU."
Emergency Room
Ironically, "Emergency Room" is exactly where you would have to send me if I wore this.
Juana Martin
Pipe cleaners are such an underrated medium.
Comme Des Garcons
As I said.
Collina Strada
Welcome to my 2024 aesthetic!