There Was a Big Cartier Party And Everyone Looked Weird

Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa

I'm not sure why Lisa looks so melancholy. Her outfit is fantastic, and her date is HOT.

Chloe Sevigny in Simone Rocha

Mandatory Credit: Photo by imageSPACE/REX/Shutterstock (9554510eh) Chloe Sevigny Cartier's Bold & Fearless Celebration, San Francisco, USA - 05 Apr 2018 WEARING SIMONE ROCHA SAME OUTFIT AS CATWALK MODEL *9063833af AND CHELSEA LEYLAND

I mean, this is very costume-y, but it would also be great if it weren't all Legs McGee. CAN'T CLOTHES JUST BE NORMAL.

Jeremy Renner

He looks like the kind of creative director at a boutique ad agency who gets really, REALLY angry when his salad order gets screwed up.

Jake Gyllenhaal in Calvin Klein

Mandatory Credit: Photo by imageSPACE/REX/Shutterstock (9554510dj) Jake Gyllenhaal Cartier's Bold & Fearless Celebration, San Francisco, USA - 05 Apr 2018 WEARING CALVIN KLEIN

"Calm down, Jeremy. Here, you can eat my sandwich if it's such a big deal."

Freida Pinto

Sure, okay, fine. (Her lipstick is PERFECT.)

Sienna Miller in Proenza Schouler

Mandatory Credit: Photo by John Salangsang/BFA/REX/Shutterstock (9567470dw) Sienna Miller Cartier's Bold & Fearless Celebration, San Francisco, USA - 05 Apr 2018 WEARING PROENZA SCHOULER SAME OUTFIT AS CATWALK MODEL *9327883i

This is really kinda good?

Lily Collins in Ralph & Russo

Mandatory Credit: Photo by John Salangsang/BFA/REX/Shutterstock (9567470ct) Lily Collins Cartier's Bold & Fearless Celebration, San Francisco, USA - 05 Apr 2018 WEARING RALPH & RUSSO SAME OUTFIT AS CATWALK MODEL *9327887i

I don't know if I believe that Lily Collins has the...sartorial stones to carry off this look. I WOULD like to see it on Chloe Sevigny, perhaps.

Liev Schreiber

He looks like he got beamed in from parent's night at the kids' school.

Sofia Coppola

"Hi. Can you beam me back to the Marc Jacobs store, please? I wasn't actually totally sold on this outfit yet."

Nas, Winnie Harlow, Idris Elba

The glowing Step & Repeat made Idris look weird in the photos that we got, and I could not bear to show him as less than his hot self, hence this photo of these three from inside the event. Nas and Idris both deserve applause for maintaining their poker faces around Winnie's Bra-Gown.