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# This Photo of Shania Twain Is Old Enough To Drink
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/this-photo-of-shania-twain-is-old-enough-to-drink-11-2020/
- Published: 2020-11-10T21:00:08.000Z
- Updated: 2020-11-10T20:37:20.000Z
- Description: Picture it: The CMAs in 1999.
- Author: Heather
- Tags: fugs, 1999, #wp, #wp-post, #Import 2026-10-07 08:15

*From the cell phone files of Shania Twain*

SHANIA: Hey. I'm up for CMA Entertainer of the Year this time. I need to bring it.

STYLIST: You need to impress them much?

SHANIA: I want to feel like a woman. But also maybe like a sunburn.

STYLIST: HOT LIKE FIRE, then.

SHANIA: Go with me on this. I'm picturing a tube top. Bright pink.

STYLIST: Mmmmm.

SHANIA: Then we throw in hotpants.

STYLIST: Wait, WITH a tube top? Isn't that--

SHANIA: And they're the same pink. And then I'm thinking a duster.

STYLIST: You mean like a long trench? What if we did it in leather--

SHANIA: No, it's gotta be pink. A matching pink.

STYLIST: Are we sure that's not--

SHANIA: And HUGE lapels. Oh and don't forget the hat!

STYLIST: You can't throw on a random brown cowboy hat with--

SHANIA: In pink. It HAS TO match. And gloves. I want to look like I was lying on my yacht with nothing but Hawaiian Tropic oil on, for four hours. Match, match, match.

STYLIST: Okay, so shoes, then.

SHANIA: Boots.

STYLIST: Same pink.

SHANIA: Ew, no, are you nuts?

STYLIST: I just....

SHANIA: That's taking it too far. I'm disappointed in you. They've gotta be *baby* pink.

STYLIST: ... Can I at least put a chandelier around your neck?

SHANIA: That's the most sensible thing you've said all day.

STYLIST: You're still the one, Shania.

###### \[Photo: Michael S Green/AP/Shutterstock\]