Misia in Tomo Koizumi

Of course I was going to start with this absolute stunner. Tomo is an openly gay designer, and the dress was intended as a tribute to the LGBTQ+ community, and to promote inclusivity. It's beautiful. Our friend Catherine makes stunning cakes, and I sincerely want her to make one in this shape.

Hiromi

She was AMAZING. I could have watched her all night. She plays with her entire body, her whole essence.

Opening with a lone person on a treadmill was intriguing. I didn't hear a lot of the commentary, so I've decided this was a nod to how every sporting pursuit, even on a team, begins with one person making a choice to work at it. But then they added a bike and suddenly it felt like an ad for Peloton: The Video Game. (Parenthetically, I DID keep thinking the music reminded me of the theme song for Super Smash Bros., and it turns out that was intentional -- a TON of video-game songs were used for the score as a nod to that industry's prominence in Japan. I love it.)

Ichikawa Ebizo

This man is the eleventh in his family line to take on this name. They're a Kabuki dynasty, basically, and the various names are passed down through the generations. Apparently he was to take on a different name in May and pass this one down to his son, but postponed that after Covid put a stop to performances. It's really interesting; I'm sure I have messed up the details, so let Wikipedia help. Knowing those performances have been cancelled for so long, it was probably a great thrill for Japan to see him again. (I'm popping in here to note that I saw a fascinating 60 Minutes about him last year and he's very handsome. Okay, bye! - J)

I don't remember anyone's face getting mashed into the wooden platform, so phew, but BOY this photo stressed me out.

This photo is great -- the dancer looks light as air, like a piece of cloth blowing in the wind.

I am deeply into those jackets on the folks carrying the Olympic flag.

I am not sure which of the torch bearers these are -- there were past competitors, for example, but also a doctor and a nurse -- but this photo makes it look like they are levitating.

Wakako Tsuchida

Wakako Tsuchida is Japan's first Paralympian, and first to win gold in both the Summer AND Winter Paralympics. That is amazing, and I cannot think of a better person to do this. After she took the torch, they put it in the stand in front of her chair so she could deliver it to the next step.

Naomi Osaka

And Naomi got to light the cauldron, which I love. It's important to honor the greats from your history, of course, but Naomi is an international celebrity who is steering a lot of important conversations RIGHT NOW. It's the right stage for her.

The steps of the torch were meant to evoke Mount Fuji.

Okay, I have beef here. I missed the first airing, so I watched the re-airing on the CBC, and THEY CUT OUT THIS PART. I kept waiting and waiting to see what everyone was buzzing about, and NADA. Luckily I taped the NBC one also but I haven't had a chance to go back and look because: Olympics. But I gather these are dancers bringing to life each sport? It's so COOL.

This is sort of a behind-the-scenes shot. So neat. I HAVE NOTES, CBC.

Team USA

And then the prepsters came out. I mean, look, I love stripes. But I think this looks muddy in the big group shot, which is a shame. And why so many freaking LAYERS for a summer ceremony in Japan, where it is a sauna? The blazer, the stripes, the kerchief knotted about the necks... it's a whole lot, and these people all look like they're going to a party on William Hedgeforth III's dad's yacht in Kennebunkport.

And up close they kind of look like flight attendants for PATRIOT AIRLINES or something. I understand that when you hire Ralph Lauren to design your outfits, you're going to get "catalog aimed at people with second homes in New England," but maybe the answer to that is not, "Okay," but, "Let's hire someone else, then, for a change." Give another designer the chance to put their mark on this. I'm bored.

Team GB

I am not wild about the ringmaster sleeves on the Brits, either.

Paraguay

Meanwhile they look like either candy stripers, or candy sellers.

The Union of the Comoros is "a volcanic archipelago" off the coast of Africa, and they sent three athletes. One was eliminated in judo, and the others are in track and field. In my ignorance, I had not heard of this country before, so I just wanted to share them and their colorful flag, even though sadly this picture shows more of the greeters who were cheering the countries as they entered. Who are wearing manga-inspired outfits, I believe?

Colombia

These folks CAME TO PARTY. They look snazzy, they have GREAT hats, and they clearly loved every freaking second.

Tonga

Yes, Tonga is back, and yes, that's Pita Taufatofua back in all his shirtless glory. But this isn't about one man and his shirtlessness, so I'm not going in for a close-up; let's make it about the team.

Pita Taufatofua

Did I even fool ANY OF YOU for a SECOND? Of course we are going in for a close-up. This man did not tone that body, qualify for taekwondo, fly to Tokyo, and put on ten bottles of baby oil for us NOT to take a closer look. He WORKED HARD, so we will LOOK HARD.

Vanuatu

"Hold my lube," says Riilio Rii.

Germany

What is Germany even doing here? Take the flags away and you'd assume it was... oh, any one of 50 other countries.

Malaysia

Obviously I LOVE this pattern.

Kenya

They look chic as hell. Wanja Ngare designed them. Can the USOC get her number?

Norway

I love this, too. It's clean and crisp and attractive. I also feel very warmly toward Norway because I was charmed by Kristian Blummenfelt when he won the triathlon. He kept checking over his shoulder in disbelief and ran the last 300 m shaking his head at the spectators as if to say, "HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?" Between that, Bermuda winning its first gold in the women's tri, Tom Daley and Matty Lee, and the Tunisian swimmer winning gold, I have been having a lot of FEELINGS already on behalf of athletes from other countries.

North Macedonia

I like the snazzy red shoes.

Brazil

I will pass on the flip-flops, but that pattern is so cute.

Poland

That's a pretty charming ensemble.

Hong Kong

The fans, as a whole, are so great. Did everyone get them or only certain teams? Because it's such a smart thing to have, especially in a hot, humid climate like Japan's.

Benin

I did NOT expect this. Somewhere, Vera Bradley is pondering whether she can turn this into a quilted toiletry bag or glasses case.

Belgium

Why are only the WOMEN in outfits with words all over them?

Here's a better look at what they say. I don't... think that was necessary. They look absurd, especially in comparison to the men. The LEAST you could do is give the dudes chinos in that pattern, like so many Norwegian curlers.

Japan

Japan kept it simple, but I THINK those are culottes?

Serbia

These look comfy and breezy.

American Samoa

I am VERY into that shirt.

Switzerland

Roger Federer SAYS he's hurt, but really he saw these and was like, "The best you could do was dress them like Swiss chocolate? Pass."

Latvia

"Wait, is this not Eurovision?"

Venezuela

Not gonna lie, I love those ties.

South Korea

Again, great ties, but I am not AT ALL confident in that dusky mint color.

Eswatini

Their matching masks really up the game here.

Finland

I like that they showed up dressed for a soccer game to break out, but: Seriously, the Finnish women got boring stuff, and the dudes got those awesome t-shirts? WHY.

Croatia

Well, I DO like a checkerboard.

Italy

Sincerely unclear why Evil Pac Man was the inspiration here.

Ukraine

This stands out really nicely.

The Netherlands

They look stylish, but also like a team of insurance agents doing an ad for whatever their version of State Farm is.

Uzbekistan

And now we have twin piping, first here in green...

El Salvador

... and here, with subtly kicky pants.

Canada

I did not love these. The shine was... weird. Also those coats really do feel more like the Winter Games to me.

I know this is fireworks, but it also looks like straight-up FIRE. I am wildfire-sensitive right now so it was alarming.

The torch looks nice lit up all golden.

PIANO PICTURE. For... Tokyo itself, I guess? For the city's spiritual living room piano.

Better Late than Never: The Tokyo 2020 Olympics Opening Ceremony

Please, no spoilers for stuff that hasn't aired yet!