Valentine's Day Cards

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7665058rg) Why not Seize This Opportunity ? early 20th century Historical Collection 16

"COME ON, BABY. IF YOU LIKE CHUCKY, YOU'LL LOOOOOVE ME."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992p) Love Or Dollars ? - Love Bids You Make A Choice! Cupid Dressed As A Postboy Arrives On the Doorstep 1911 Historical Collection 10

"Which is more important to you, money or love? I'm not going to tell you which one I am, but just note which ribbon is bigger."

Historical Collection 10

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992bq) A Cupid Takes Aim at A Lady Framed in A Heart - at That Range How Can He Miss ? 1908 Historical Collection 10

"To my love on this day, may I use your forehead as target practice for all of eternity."

Historical Collection 10

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992pe) Lock and Key 'There's A Lock Upon My Heart and You Have the Key !' early 20th century Historical Collection 10

"There is a Lock Upon My Heart and You Have the Key. Except, Shit, I Have It Here. I Forgot To Leave It In Your Kitchen. Now How The Hell Are You Going to Get Inside? Dammit."

"The only thing I love more than puns, or shoes, is you. Although I might love puns, and shoes, a bit more, but you're right in the mix."

Valentine's Day card.

"To my most precious cherished treasure, there are no subliminal messages here at all, it is purely a coincidence that Inns usually have beds in them."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (9865131a) A Sweet Card For St Valentine's Day Featuring Two Dogs One Looking Very Dapper in Cap and Silver-starred Collar One in A Dog House - to My Valentine! It's True I'm Just A Watch-dog But It's Sometimes Aggravatin' to Have to Keep My Eye On You While You Just Keep Me Waiting! in the Inside Picture the Dapper Visiting Dog Waits Patiently Outside the Dog House Which Now Has A Sign Pinned Up - Back at 10 O'clock. Love Hearts Are A Visible Symbol of His Doggy Ardour. Original Card Cute Doggy Valentine Card

"My dearest love, there are also beds in kennels, but that is not at all the point of this lovingest of love notes, for all I truly await is the shining light of your fully dressed presence."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992pi) Two Hearts and A Ring - 'Ever Thine !' early 20th century Historical Collection 10

"NO PRESSURE, BUT SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT, OKAY?"

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992qc) All-white Card with Heart Surrounded by 'Lace' - and Poem 'My Wish' circa 1860 Historical Collection 10

"I Don't Want You To Get The Wrong Idea, So Please Enjoy This Totally Sedate Word Salad."

Valentine Card with golfing theme, c1910s. (Photo by Sarah Fabian-Baddiel/Heritage Images/Getty Images)

"To You, Sweet Person, I Invite You To Hit My Balls Repeatedly."

Illustration for a die-cut Valentine's Day card featuring young girl with basket of flowers.

"I Have Done The Absolute F*cking Least."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992pl) 'This Valentine to My Love' A Girl Walks Along A Country Path Carrying Flowers and Holding A Daisy circa 1880 Historical Collection 10

"Happy Valentine's Day. I guess. I don't know. Whatever."

Illustration for a die-cut Valentine's Day card featuring young woman with petals for a skirt and butterfly wings.

"The Quotation Marks Are So You Do Not Think That I Mistakenly Believe Your Name Is Rose, Although If We're Being Honest I Am Not Entirely Sure What It IS."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992qb) 'Ever Thine ' with Decorative Flowers circa 1880 Historical Collection 10

"I am stalking you."

Illustration for a die-cut 1930s Valentine's Day card featuring scissors.

"I am sending you incredibly unsettling and borderline unhealthy imagery as a way of pressuring you into loving me and that's totally fine right because I'm nice?"

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992ov) A Girl Sits at Her Desk Composing A Valentine - Helped by A Cupid circa 1905 Historical Collection 10

"I have many lovers -- too many to count; my wrist would break from exertion -- so do not get the wrong idea here. I am just writing you a GREETING."

Illustration for a die-cut 1932 Valentine's Day card featuring young girl holding camera photographing caged cat..

"If you'd please just stop getting incarcerated, we could have sex. Think about it."

Illustration for a die-cut Valentine's Day card featuring nervous young boy holding fountain pen and bouquet.

"I am never, ever going to live this down, am I?"

Illustration for a die-cut Valentine's Day card featuring two dressed cats in love.

"My Sexuality is Card-Playing Cats; What's Yours?"

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (9862190a) To My Valentine - Over to You. A Playing Card King and Queen of Hearts Profess Their Love For Each Other. Postcard by Ellen Clapsaddle (1865 - 1934) Valentines Card with King and Queen

"I Hope You Will Accept The Gift Of My Heart, For I Stabbed Myself In The Brain To Make It Possible, and Am Now Deceased."

Suffrage-era, die-cut Valentine card, depicting a small, surprised boy, wearing white shorts and a blue and black check-print shirt, rising after sitting on a chair labeled "Equal Franchise, No Votes No Hearts, Votes for Women" with a "Wet Paint" sign attached at one side, and realising that a red heart and the message "Votes For Women" have transferred to the rear of his short pants, with the text "Sweetheart, I cannot keep away, this love of mine is true; My passion is most marked, because I have designs on you", 1900. (Photo by Ken Florey Suffrage Collection/Gado/Getty Images)

"My Dearest, I Promise I Rubbed My Bottom On This Bench As a Show Of Support, Not Because I Am An Immature Dunderheaded Jerk."

Both sides of an anti-Suffrage, die-cut Valentine card; depicting (recto) a small girl wearing a pink dress and large hat, and holding a document marked "ballot, " set within a heart bordered by the text "Be My Valentine"; and (verso) a line illustration of a warmly dressed boy and girl, walking together in a wintery, outdoor setting, with the text "Some long for votes and Women's Rights, And shout with great ado; I'd be content with a cozy home, A fireside, and you", 1900. (Photo by Ken Florey Suffrage Collection/Gado/Getty Images)

"Dearest Lady Love, Are You Sure Making Me Dinner Isn't More Important Than Having a Fair and Legal Say In The Development Of Our Fair Society? Because, Pot Roast."

Suffrage-era, die-cut Valentine card, depicting a small, red-haired girl, wearing a pink dress and large hat with a blue plume, holding a document marked "ballot, " and standing in the margins of a red bordered heart, with text at the rectangular base reading "I'm a suffragette and I don't care who knows it", 1900. (Photo by Ken Florey Suffrage Collection/Gado/Getty Images)

"Happy Valentine's Day, you sexist f*ck. Eat a bowl of nails."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992or) Cupid in A Yankee-doodle Hat Whispers in A Girl's Ear While A Heart Frames the Two of Them early 20th century Historical Collection 10

"Love America As You Love Me, Else I Run Through Your Heart With My Poking Stick."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992qp) 'For One I Love' - Girl On A Path with Spilt Milk - Obscure Symbolism ? circa 1870 Historical Collection 10

"I Got You a Bucket of Dirt, and Then I Spilled It, Just As The Ancient Love Proverb Says."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992qt) Cupid with A Message - 'Today Brings Thee Many A Valentine Fair Maiden Only Smile On Mine !' circa 1880 Historical Collection 10

"I Am Not Afraid To Poison Your Other Suitors. Just So You Know."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992rh) Two Cupids Come Flying Over the Meadows Carrying A Decorated Heart late 19th century Historical Collection 10

"I Love You, But I Am Not In Love With You. I Just Want Us To Eat Some Fruit Sometimes."

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Historia/Shutterstock (7664992sg) 'Remember Me' - A Rather Wordy Text in Lyre-shaped Floral Frame circa 1870 Historical Collection 10

"Why Haven't You Called Me Back? Or Written? Are You Just Real Busy? Remember Me? REMEMBER ME. That Is An Order."

A Valentine postcard by artist H. Wessler shows a woman holding a white paper heart through which a man jumps, early 20th century. The text reads, 'From A True Heart To My Valentine.' (Photo by Transcendental Graphics/Getty Images)

"Get Yourself A Love Who Sprints At You The Way This Man Sprints At Calligraphy."

"They Were Out of Cards When I Went By On The Way Home From Work."