Various People in Paris

Noomi Rapace in Dior

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Cyril Pecquenard/Shutterstock (10319335am) Noomi Rapace Dior Men show, Arrivals. Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 21 Jun 2019

I believe those are shorts? This outfit would not normally speak to me, but Noomi is at least giving it a comprehensible context. Something about her hair and makeup are giving her a passing resemblance to Bella Thorne, to the point where I feel like Bella should call her, because Noomi is the best possible version of whatever edgy cool-girl thing Bella appears to want to be doing.

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Also: sunglasses, etc.

Gigi Hadid in Heron Preston

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Philippe Blet/Shutterstock (10314416d) Gigi Hadid Gigi Hadid out and about, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 18 Jun 2019 Wearing Heron Preston

This looks like something exploded on her suit. And as if she's wearing heeled shower shoes.

Lewis Hamilton

Lewis took in the menswear shows and then went straight into a Formula 1 victory in France. NOT BAD, SIR.

Lewis Hamilton in Valentino

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Jonathan Rebboah/News Pictures/Shutterstock (10315739a) Lewis Hamilton Valentino show, Arrivals, Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 19 Jun 2019 Wearing Valentino

However, this is bad. So bad. It's not often that I get to say these words about a dude, so let's enjoy it together: He looks pregnant.

Russell Westbrook in Louis Vuitton

It's also not often that I get to say, to a dude, "That's a lot of cleavage," so today's been special.

Russell Westbrook

He is ALL SET for some glamping.

Berluti

Better.

Joe Jonas in Berluti

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Swan Gallet/WWD/Shutterstock (10311844c) Joe Jonas in the front row Berluti show, Front Row, Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 21 Jun 2019

I'm not sure I'm on board with the hair choices he's making.

Joe and Sophie Turner

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Philippe Blet/Shutterstock (10319743q) Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner out and about, Paris, France - 23 Jun 2019

I really like her blazer, but pockets poking out the bottom of shorts are still just such a problem to me.

Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra

Nick is wearing too many competing pinks, and Priyanka looks... let's say comfortable? We don't usually see her that rumpled.

Gigi Hadid

This all seems like an excess of fabric.

Gigi Hadid

And those seem like they might be baiting her into a private infection

Kate Moss in Dior

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Cyril Pecquenard/Shutterstock (10319335d) Kate Moss Dior Men show, Arrivals. Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 21 Jun 2019

... Eh. Sure.

Natalia Vodianova in Balmain

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Swan Gallet/WWD/Shutterstock (10311863c) Natalia Vodianova in the front row Balmain show, Front Row, Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 21 Jun 2019

SHRIEK

Natalia Vodianova in Berluti

Mandatory Credit: Photo by LAURENT BENHAMOU/SIPA/Shutterstock (10319018f) Natalia Vodianova Berluti show, Arrivals, Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 21 Jun 2019

Mint leather leggings under matching Bermuda shorts that have feathers on them? MORE SHRIEKING

in Dior

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Cyril Pecquenard/Shutterstock (10319335ae) Natalia Vodianova Dior Men show, Arrivals. Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 21 Jun 2019

These offset suits are almost as bad as when designers do this to pants.

Swae Lee in Balmain

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Swan Gallet/WWD/Shutterstock (10311863k) Swae Lee in the front row Balmain show, Front Row, Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 21 Jun 2019

I don't know if one can rightly be described as "in" this shirt. It's more that the shirt is AROUND him, but losing its grip.

Swae Lee in Thom Browne

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Swan Gallet/WWD/Shutterstock (10311884a) Swae Lee in the front row Thom Browne show, Front Row, Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 22 Jun 2019

I guess he had to make up for the vanishing clothes by adding a WHOLE LOT of layers.

MIA in Kenzo

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Swan Gallet/WWD/Shutterstock (10311901m) M.I.A. in the front row Kenzo show, Front Row, Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 23 Jun 2019

Aptly M.I.A. has been a little M.I.A. This isn't nearly as kooky as I remember her being.

Lily Allen in Dior

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Cyril Pecquenard/Shutterstock (10319335s) Lily Allen Dior Men show, Arrivals. Spring Summer 2020, Paris Fashion Week Men's, France - 21 Jun 2019

I NEVER recognize her in that wig.

Helen Mirren and Charlie Siem

I misread this as Charlie Sheen at first, and was like, "THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE." Indeed, it is not. However, this is how I like to imagine Helen all the time: the keynote speaker at a very graceful Apple event. I've decided she's reciting one of Mike Meyers' beat poems from So I Married an Axe Murderer.

Fanny Ardant

And at first, I thought this French actress was Marcia Gay Harden. So if anyone decides to make a movie about anything Fanny Ardant has done, we know who to call.

Pharrell Williams

I think I miss Hat.

Cara Delevingne

She is working that REALLY well. It's appealingly floofy.

SWINTON

"BEHOLD, MY RIGHT ROYAL BATHROBE."

SWINTON

"BEHOLD, MY SHAKESPEARIAN UNDERPINNINGS."

SWINTON

"And then the witch cast a spell over the whole town so that everyone ANNOYING would be impelled to go and bother one of her archnemeses for all time, and the Charmin Bears were "accidentally" murdered by the Berenstains, and her Instacart app would never crash. The end! I do hope you liked my story, children. Remember, the Charmin bears hate you and your whole family. Don't let them get away with it."