Taylor Swift at the Victoria's Secret Pre-Show

With the exception of the fact that her boob is kind of trying to escape -- I have to think someone at VS was like, "TRY THIS BRA IT'LL MAKE YOUR BOOBS TRY TO ESCAPE" and TSwift was like, "eh, why not?" -- this is totally inoffensive and cute.

Taylor Swift

I assume this is PRE-PERFORMANCE, and the other was post?* (It just looks like more of a party dress.) I have officially just spent too much time staring at Taylor's chest, trying to decide what her bra situation is herein. Well. I suppose that's topical?

*I'm wron,g apparently, it was the other way around. Regardless.

2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Taylor went Full Lingerie this year, and while this is....fine....last year's collection of get-ups were, I think, way cuter. (Like, remember this cute sparkly outfit? Or her Union Jack...well, everything?) This might be a little BORING for Taylor.

Inside the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show **USA ONLY**

But THIS, this is right in her wheelhouse. This is her audition to be the ingenue in our Fictional English Country House Miniseries, this right here, because it's tailor made -- no pun intended -- for sitting at a dressing table, brushing one's hair with a silver-backed brush, and crying over the bounder who left you. (She will not get the part.)

Ariana Grande

And this is HER audition to be the cutest girl at Foxy Boxing.

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

And then Elsa Hosk almost accidentally brained her with a pair of wings, and only one of them came out of it looking composed.

Victoria's Secret Fugs or Fabs: Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande

Along with Ed Sheeran -- who made many appearances in the runway slideshow -- these two were the big performers at last night's event. Is it wrong if I sort of hope they hated each other? Because it seems like they WOULD. (Team Taylor, of course. They might both write mean songs about each other, but Ariana's marble mouth means I won't be able to understand whatever she's warbling about Swifty.)