Flavor Flav, Jordan Chiles

Flav said at the time that he'd make Jordan a custom bronze clock medal, to make up for the one they took away from her at the Olympics (although I think she technically kept it). He presented it to her at the VMAs AND told her that he'd be paying her prize money, too. That's $15,000! (Did you know that? I did not.) What a mensch.

Eminem

"Who IS that in Frasier's dad's armchair?" I wondered.

Eminem

"And who IS that singing in Eminem's spot?" Um, THAT IS EMINEM. Forgive me, but the insane hair really threw me off. It looks like he bought it at an actual rug store.

Lisa

I TOLD you there was fire. SOMEONE producing this show also enjoys Eurovision.

Sabrina Carpenter

Not gonna lie, this looked faintly menacing. Also, I find her songs to be a bit of a non-tempo. I haven't sampled the whole album yet, but "Espresso" plods a little for me, and I can't even remember the other one she sang.

Naturally, dancing around with astronauts let to her macking on an alien. Sorry, Barry Keoghan, you're not the only person with bare arms who's caught her eye.

Katy Perry

Katy Perry may have released a bad new album, but her catalog SLAPS. And she flew in there and sang her medley fully live, and it gave the set SO much more energy than the auto-tuned stuff that many of the others lip-synched to. Live music is fun BECAUSE it's unpredictable and, well, live! So good for her.

In case you hadn't heard, her album is called 143.

Katy Perry, Doechii

For some reason, during her newest single, she and Doechii decided to ALMOST rub privates. Flying through the air is so much more interesting.s

And then of course, there were giant inflatable wings that looked like a devious face. These really made me laugh. I hope that was the point.

I ASSUME that's what all the tubing here is from? That, and the cables, and such. I don't know why the base costume for this had to be such a nothingburger, but then again, she's already dressed up as an ACTUAL burger so maybe that's all that's left.

This is sort of fun, other than the neckpiece that looks like she got tangled in an old-school phone cord while she was on with her bestie.

Anitta

This is good, and was worth wearing on the red carpet also.

Chappell Roan

She ALSO sang live, and that ALSO made it fun. You could tell she was nervous, but then she warmed up, and THEN she hit that note on "I TOLD YOU SOOOOOO," and she was in her groove.

Also she did 100 percent more swordplay than usual, so.

Chappell Roan in Rabanne

This was the perfect way to finish her night, thematically. She started out as the damsel, then she was the knight, and now she's a slinky Joan of Arc.

Karol G, Taylor Swift

Karol definitely stuck to the fire theme. And Taylor's UFO dress is a very cute nod to the Tortured Poets Department. I love it.

Post Malone

He skipped the red carpet! But Austin, your jacket is so good!

Rauw Alejandro

In the still photos, this has kind of a cool musical theater vibe to it.

Benson Boone

This guy was GREAT. He really ripped it AND jumped on top of the piano and did a backflip off it. He was like an emo Brian Orser. Loved it.

Halsey

They ALSO sounded great, with a zippy Aughts Rock song that even convincingly sounded like Avril or Ashlee could've penned it. And yes, that's Victoria from Maneskin on the guitar with Halsey. I liked this a lot! All women, rocking out.

Lenny Kravitz

His set was very lively, and his costume was very Lenny, and I appreciated the shot of energy.

Camila Cabello

But THE SHOW WAS TOO DAMN LONG. I think most of the last performances could've gone, honestly. Skip straight from Lenny to LL Cool J! That would have clipped out like 20 minutes1 Camila in a box was probably not even THAT fun for the people in the arena???

The VMAs Telecast Included a Pleasant Amount of Fire

You know I love pyro.