Jessica Simpson

This dress bums me out. It's not only boring, but a fugly execution of a tired idea. Jessica needs to beg Law Roach for a solid. She could be a camp sensation and I think that would be SO much more fun AND maybe an injection of life into her comeback.

Sabrina Carpenter in custom Valentino

This is not fully sheer, but it still wants you to see just enough that you have to pause and stare at the rest of it just to check. It's better than another teeny tiny little babydoll situation, but I still cannot endorse the work of her glam team. In this case, she looks uncomfortably orange.

FKA twigs

Has she played a vampire yet? I feel like she's overdue, if not. This looks like she made it out of sinew from one of her kills.

That intentionally threadbare patch over her butt cheek cracks me up. It's very post-apocalyptic Derelicte "all fibers are clothing fibers, even muscle fibers."

Tate McRae in custom Ludovic de Saint Sernin

She looks like she's posing in a catalog for wedding gowns for when you marry your mistress on a yacht.

Gabby Windey

And she is dressed as the NEW mistress who shows up to wreak havoc on the yacht wedding of the former mistress.

Sevyn Streeter

"Give me leather bar meets Clan of the Cave Bear."

Nikki Glaser

I have seen so much fucking underwear today already.

Melissa Gorga

I believe she is a Housewife, on the New Jersey series, and may also have a clothing line? What a terrible advertisement for it.

Taylor Momsen

I just saw her open up for AC/DC ("just" = in April) and she can really hold the stage and has a great rock voice. It's interesting that she's really held onto the aesthetic she adopted when she first left Gossip Girl to start The Pretty Reckless; the girl knew what she wanted and went straight to it.

Olandria Carthen in Cheney Chan

It's Olandria Love Island! She is one of the most beautiful women and this outfit is like... DISPLAYING her assets but not actually really doing as much for them as it seems to believe. She has every physical gift; she doesn't need to fight so hard to make sure we see it! We can't NOT notice, girl.

Alix Earle

She's about to go on Dancing With The Stars, where I assume she will learn all KINDS of lessons about body tape.

The Marias, in Valentino

I feel like Emma Corrin would wear every single outfit in this photo. "But Heather," you may wonder. "Why is this in NAKED and not in KITSCHY?"

Maria Zardoya

NIPPLE MISCHIEF, that's why.

There Were No Sheers Or Nakeds at... HA HA I Couldn't Even Try That With a Straight Face

OF COURSE people went sheer and naked to the VMAs!