Uzo Aduba, Taylor Schilling, Laverne Cox

Uzo Aduba (currently on the left) would go in the middle, because she is my gold medalist here. And the other two... Hmm. Let's go in for some closer looks.

Laverne Cox in Marc Bouwer

Laverne's dress fits her like a glove but is completely underwhelming, like it hitched itself up and then ripped when she got out of the car and no one noticed. 

Taylor Schilling

Taylor's face looks EPICALLY fantastic. And the dress is a serviceable enough sparkly tube, but I wish she'd accessorized it. At least Laverne did some hand jewelry (not a ring, not a bracelet... a bring? A racelet?). But I THINK this looks better maybe? Is this one of those where she'd get the silver but only by like one one-hundredth of a second and there's a minor judging or timing scandal, but everyone smiles through the medal ceremony anyway and then gets trashed in the Olympic village and nails a Dutch swimmer?

Uzo Aduba

I love seeing Suzanne look so confident. Crazy Eyes if everything.

VMAs Fugs and Fabs: Ladies from Orange Is The New Black

I watched all kinds of gymnastics and swimming this weekend -- Phelps beat Lochte in the hundred-meter butterfly at the Pan-Pacific Games and it made me very excited for Rio in 2016, although Ryan kind of looked like he might sink the rest of the time -- and so I keep looking at Uzo Aduba, Taylor Schilling, and Laverne Cox, and imagining how they should be rearranged per a medal stand. Hint: Not in this order. [Photos: Splash, Getty]