Charlize Theron

Seriously, SERIOUSLY, Dior, you really should've checked with your spokesperson before picking the black background. Although I'm sure everyone was all, "It'll be slimming!" And now here we are, with Charlize looking like a freshly paved asphalt highway.

Charlize Theron

The closer I get, the less I'm loving the hair. But is there... do her lips seem fuller? Why is she being so squinty? Is she a huge Chad Michael Murray fan?

Charlize Theron

She looks a little like Jaime Pressley here. Plus Cheryl Ladd. Plus a really, really tart lemon. She also kind of looks like Charlize Theron -- aptly enough -- but less... something. I can't put my finger on it. I don't think she's had any WORK done...

Charlize Theron

This one must be a trick of the angle, right? Because her hair looks the worst, her face proportions seem kind of wonkus, and she seems especially to be gnawing on the insides of her cheeks. I don't know if the strange vibes I'm getting off the close-ups are just that she lost a little weight she didn't need to lose, or she's got on funky makeup, or bad hair, or she's just tired, or it's all just my brain playing tricks on me and everything's fine. And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put this message in an R2 unit's memory banks so that when it finds you, you can save me from myself.

Well Played, But Also, WTF: Charlize Theron

The dress looks like it's probably really pretty. The blazer seems chic. The shoes are trendy. Charlize is... Charlize. Other than the fact that I REALLY wish this event had not chosen a black backdrop for all its photos, because I find it very freaky, Charlize seems to have nailed it. Except. EXCEPT. Something is distracting me about her face. Come help me decide whether it's makeup, lighting, a trick of the angle, or one of life's great mysteries. It could also be that I first saw the photos in thumbnail, and blown up they're not as weird. I don't know. Help me, Obi-Wan Fug Nation. You're my only hope.