J.Lo, Emme Anthony, Casper Smart
"We can talk about my perfect shoes, if you like, lovers, or we can talk about how my jacket does not go with this dress, but those things bore me. Instead let me tell you something, lovers. Vampires' children do not not age fast (you think I would have had them if it meant being la madre of teenagers? At my age? Which is 29? No). They do not have made-up names like Jenniferc or Marniffer that sound like brands of air filters. And they do not turn conveniently sexy just because some werewolf is pervy for them. So do not break dawn with that stupid movie unless you want a plate of MENTIRAS.
J.Lo, Emme Anthony, Casper Smart
"Lovers, I must tell the truth: Some of this show was loco. I am an incredibly talented future thingy-nominated actress and even I cannot contain my confusion. And you know Emme is mi hija because she is doing the same thing. Psst. This is also the face I made during my wedding vows. All three times."
J.Lo, Emme Anthony, Casper Smart
"Sometimes children get bored. In one case, they hug their mamas and try not to scream, and in others, they perform sign language at someone sitting across from them and maybe try to get somebody's phone number. It is okay, lovers. I am not angry. Because if you think I am marrying this tiny dancer then you are crazy. I already did that. Twice. And I quit Lopez Idol after I did it twice so that should tell you something."
J.Lo, Emme Anthony, Casper Smart
"Relax, lovers, I am not performing a patented Marc 'snack attack' on mi hija preciosa. I am just kissing her little cheek aaaah it is so cute THTHHHHHHBBBBBPT."
Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart
"Admit it, lovers, you love my casual fancy."
Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart
"But you love it more when I go so tight that my veins cannot breathe. Because it means I have not been drained today and THAT means I did not have to trade any blood for extra days in Paris with los ninos. Also, do you love that my booty is wearing a cape? It IS like a superhero. Shh, it's a secret, but John Mayer wrote that song 'Your Booty Is Like Wonder Man' about yo."