Jonathan Toews
I really enjoy that Toews -- pronounced "Taves," because he is in the Brett Favre Camp of Consonant Relations -- has a beard that encircles his head as if he has poked his face through a hair-wreath.
Toews was drafted by the Blackhawks in 2006 and started playing for them a year later. He was named captain when he was 20, and led them to all three of their recent cups, and I love this face because you can tell he is about to let out a barbaric yawp. I am pretty sure he is not tired of hoisting what is my favorite trophy in all sports.
Jonathan Toews
In a weird way, his sideburns look like bushy hockey sticks.
Duncan Keith
Gotta love a ginger beard. Keith, who scored what would be the game-winner, won the Conn-Smtyhe -- the first defenseman to be MVP since 2007. When he picked up the trophy and started skating off with it, he was super cavalier about it, to the point where one of the beans grabbed my arm and was like, "IS HE GOING TO BE VERY CAREFUL WITH THAT?!?" There WAS a small part of me that wanted to see him drop it.
Patrick Kane
ANOTHER ginger beard. Hockey is rife with them, it seems - the Kings have their fair share also. Kane here, per Wikipedia, lives in the Trump tower right on the river in Chicago. Trump WISHES his hair could be so robust.
Patrick Kane
I enjoy the side view. There's something pleasant about his facial hair in combination with the swoop of his actual head-suit. Also, well DONE on the full-face beard, sir. That is an accomplishment.
Brad Richards
Richards here was drafted by the Blackhawks' opponent, Tampa Bay, and in fact won the cup with them in 2004. That must have been interesting for him. I have concerns that his beard might be patchy, but maybe it's just the reflection on the Cup. And it's okay if it is patchy, honestly. Because Brad, you seem potentially hot, and not everyone has actual stuffed animal in their DNA.
Corey Crawford
Unlike Corey here -- the winning goalie -- who may be part-Gund.
Brent Seabrook
Brent's beard is very downy-looking. Like a comb would sail right through it.
Antoine Vermette
His beard REALLY runs out of steam at the hipline. I guess they all have to stop somewhere. Vermette only joined the Hawks four months ago, but scored the winner in Game 4 (and three total in the playoffs). Arizona must be a welcome sight in his rearview mirror right about now.
Brandon Saad
He is only twenty-two. Has he left himself any room for follicular improvement? Has this fulsome bar been set frighteningly high?
Kimmo Timonen
And, on the first-time winner at age 40, we get a dusting of silver in our keratinscape.
Andrew Shaw
"I tried, you guys. I really did. But it just wouldn't grow any higher. Can we just give me credit for what I have, and for kind of looking like Josh Hartnett from this angle?"
Corey Crawford, Ben Bishop
"It's okay, dude. You did great in goal, except for when you didn't. Now you can go shave the sponges off your cheeks."
Ben Bishop
"Yeah, yeah, get out of the way, I need to mow these lawns before I get actual gophers living in there."
Chicago Blackhawks
Congratulations, Chicago. You beat a lot of good teams, including the favorite, and I'm glad the lions outside the Art Institute did not wear your helmets for naught. Now follow the opposing goalie's example and raze the dewy moss! Trim the hedges! Rediscover your bone structure and start again in a few months.