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# Well Played, Melissa McCarthy
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/well-played-melissa-mccarthy-3-06-2015/
- Published: 2015-06-04T17:00:30.000Z
- Updated: 2015-06-05T19:16:22.000Z
- Author: Heather
- Tags: Well Played, #wp, #wp-post, #Import 2026-10-07 07:44

JASON: Melissa. You look like a long, cool cocktail.

MELISSA: Thanks, Jason. I've never gotten that one before.

JASON: Indeed, you leave me stirred, but not shaken, unlike my martinis.

MELISSA: What?

JASON: You might say it paisley to discover... wait, hang on, I'm trying to workshop the pun...

MELISSA: Are you having a stroke?

JASON: No! I'm just being Statham. Jason Statham.

MELISSA: Oh, lord. [Is this about James Bond again](https://time.com/3904863/jason-statham-spy-james-bond/?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io)?

JASON: Don't you think I'd be a good one?

MELISSA: I just don't know, Jason. Being in a spy *comedy* might kind of spoil that whole 007 spy *drama* dream.

JASON: But but but! I'm British, and I wear suits, and... there's wordplay, and...

MELISSA: I don't know what it is, Jason, but you don't read James Bond to me. You seem more like That Guy From The Local Pub Who I Hired To Punch My Boss In The Stomach than the world's slickest secret agent.

JASON: But I'm an action hero! I was *Transpondster*! And expendable!

MELISSA: *Transporter*. And *The Expendables.*

JASON: Whatever! And those car-racing movies! I've done it all! I'm FULL BOND.

MELISSA: Chill, dude. It's time for a Jemma Bond anyway. Let the bodies of MALE suitors pile up like sweaters for a change. People with names like Jack Tickle and Willie Package-Johnson and Peter Codpiece and Eponymous Wang.

JASON: Maybe Jemma Bond can be 008\. We could team up. You could get this made. Call your people? Did I mention you look ravishing?

MELISSA: Kick me up to 006 and throw in a part for Bullock, and we'll see, Statham.

\[Photo: Getty\]