Uluru
THIS is a piano photo, no? I'd put that large and in full color just in case anyone who came by to play with Lord Cheeksworth maybe didn't know how great this was. This is captioned as "Kuniya Walk at the base of Uluru," and they were there having this romantic little stroll on my wedding anniversary while I was working late, which feels very in-your-face, so THANKS, WILL AND KATE, FOR BEING SO SELFISH.
Another Piano Picture
"How DOES she do that to her hair? I must ask her someday. It's bewitching."
She IS Mortal
"YES! You know who's gonna be the fly on the wall of their hotel room? THIS GUY. See you in the Daily Mail, suckers!"
Whoosh
People tease Kate for having trouble with cricket, but I'd like to note that William doesn't exactly look unfazed by it himself. That, or he tried to levitate his tie and things got out of hand.
"A little HELP...?"
"And there is the ball! Right there! Can someone just... I AM IN HEELS, PEOPLE."
@#@!$
"Are they not going to throw me some softballs? Come on."
EEK
"Bloody Harry. He told me he'd practice with me at home, but NOOOO, he had to go shopping for flower wreaths and ribbons with bloody Cressida so they could stream Coachella together and feel like they were there."
"HOLD UP"
"May I just remind everyone that I beat him not once but TWICE at the boating?"
Good Sport
"Okay, fine, I can't bat a thousand at EVERYTHING."
"I NEED TO TOUCH THE BAT. LET ME TOUCH IT. NOW. PLEASE. THE BAT."
In Wills goes full George on Kate's cricket bat, and she's like, "HELL NO, I'm using this one for PRACTICE."
Canoodling
I love the gentle hand-on-small-of-back maneuver.
CHEEKS
And now let's pause for a shot of cheeky adorableness.
"Mi Mey Ma Mo Muuuu."
I'm sure he's just pointing out something that's in the sky specifically for his amusement, but I like to think William has a yen to be a madrigal and is favoring the crowd with vocal exercises before breaking into "Pie Jesu."
BANG
"DUCK EVERYONE."
There, There
"It's all right, love. Starter Pistol Face is NEVER anyone's best look."
Velodrome Cuteness
"Will you still love me, Cuddlecakes, when that photo's all over the Internet?" "Of course, schmoopy bear."
BANG AGAIN
William was really into starter pistols on this trip. I hope someone gave him an engraved one for George. (Not really.)
Elton and Tai
"No, no, it goes like this: 'Rollin' with the homies.'"
Hanging Ten
I can imagine William desperately wanting to learn to surf, and NEVER being allowed, for reasons of monarchial propriety and also because of how that would get photographed so easily and... I don't know, I just don't see Heir In A Wetsuit On Vacation happening with this one. Kate seems sympathetic to this vicious problem.
"Yay!"
"It's... a new pair of socks!"
Seriously, Jess and I were discussing how they decide which random spectators with gifts are allowed to present them to William and Kate. They MUST be pre-screened and examined, right, so that Wills knows who to walk to? What if that's a bucket of anthrax, or something?
Yummy
"OHO, YES, I know what MY dinner is tonight."
The spear
"Oh, Harry. I'VE GOT YOU NOW." Parenthetically, I really hated this dress on her, and had to get that off my chest. Nothing custom should look like it was belted because it was two sizes too baggy.
Piano Picture #3
The framing of this photo makes it feel like it's going to appear someday in the middle of a commemmorative wreath, like on their anniversary or something.
Jammin' on the One
Her habit of giving goofy thumbs-up here and there is very charming.
"Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof..."
Obviously they hate zoos with their whole beings.
"Right back atcha."
You know how much we approve of people pointing.
The half-point, half-finger-gun
"Should I kick this thing? Should I? GROOVY BABY."
He is such a dad already
"Put me in! PUT ME IN I COULD HAVE SCORED ON THAT ONE OH MY GOD I'M RIGHT HERE."
"There, there," pt. 2
I get the impression she enjoys taking the piss out of him via exaggerated consolation. (Which I ACTUALLY think is because they just want to touch each other and aren't supposed to do much of that, so this is all they have.) I also think her sneakers are adorable. Why haven't THOSE sold out? Or have they?
GO TEAM
"Cambridge on three! Cambridge on three!"
Splash Mountain
They're lucky both of them have iron stomachs. This looked fun but also as if it might've made me barf, which is not the most royal nor dignified thing to do. Can you imagine if Kate had to tell someone she gets seasick?
Skepticism
"Wait... you DON'T have any Dramamine?"
Shhh
"I am going to wax him at this boat racing thing. DON'T TELL. I want it to be a surprise"
"HAHAHAHA"
I really cherish how much she apparently enjoyed this. I also love that there don't seem to be ANY photos of William in his boat. Everyone was clearly like, 'BORING, let's get the Duchess kicking his ass.'
Kate and the Hot Brigade
"Did you see that? Oh, you couldn't, because you were eating my wake? So sorry."
Yachting Delights
I will never get sick of this pic. I actually think it's great that they're allowed to show some of their personality. Let her be competitive! It's good for all those little girls who look up to her, to see her throwing down with the dudes and holding her own.
Consolation Canoodle
See, I really think they wanted to make out, and are bummed that this is as close as they are allowed to get.
"Here's a thought"
"Listen, you're quite cute. I'm just spitballing here, but I have a sister, Pippa..."
Shock and Awe
Her face in this shot is priceless. Like, "Don't step on that don't step on that YOU'RE GONG TO BREAK IT good God how did he not break it?"
"I'm BACK BABY"
I bet he really misses being a pilot. It's quite sad that he can't keep doing it, if that's what he loves, and I do think he loved it. But I'm sure she's thrilled he is on the ground again.
With Peter Jackson
Even Peter Jackson wants a shot of Kate on his iPhone.
Kate Climbs in a Jet
Reprinting this photo because she deserves SUCH props for doing that gracefully and without a panty flash.
Apple's New Ad Campaign
I love this shot.
Umbrella-ella-ella
He looks so chuffed to be her umbrella-wrangler.
Diversion
"God, she'll never let me look over this thing, will she? Uh, hey, Kate, look over there, what in the WORLD could that be?"
William Please Step Away From the Cliff
"All right, that's not mucking about, that's a fair drop."
Off they go
"Ha ha ha that was so fun NEVER DO THAT AGAIN EVER."
PUPPIES
It didn't seem fair not to revisit this.
OMG KOALAS
Ditto.
Pretty
This is just a lovely shot, with the light on her hair. Also, I need someone to write a book on the exact timeline of the slow reshaping of her eyebrows. Because they used to be a lot thinner at the ends and almost overplucked -- like WAY back in the day -- and now they're really lovely and great on her face, and it all happened without anyone ever noticing an awkward phase. Well PLAYED, Royal Eyebrow Groomers.
Canoodling
I mean. He's hot for her. Would it KILL the palace to allow him to give her a little kiss here and there, or vice-versa? I mean, maybe they feel like that gives people too much to analyze -- as in, if they NEVER do that in public, then nobody will stress out about when they do and when they don't.
Kate Waves on Beach
Goodbye, Oz/NZ tour. You were very long. Perhaps too long for the Internet age. But I don't regret you, and I bet they don't either.