What The Fug (Mostly): The Capital FM Summertime Jam Thing

Rita Ora

I am epically sad for everyone and everything involved in this outfit, because it is a thing that exists, and it should not be. It is stupid. Kid, if you want to be refried Rihanna that badly, then I guess I can't stop you but... really?

Ellie Goulding

This is crazy hideous -- it looks like a top made from two oven mitts that got married -- and yet compared to Rita's mesh monstrosity, it's a soothing glass of punch.

Jessie J

Sigh. If it were JUST one or the other. Why does everything have to be both? Why so much "and"? I BLAME YOU, OLD COKE ZERO ADS.

Pharrell Williams

DID SOMEONE SIT ON HAT?!?!?!?!?!