Bethanie Mattek-Sands
This woman is fabulous. She apparently wore a STRIPED COWBOY HAT to play in the US Open in 2005, for which she got fined. Wait, I need to just quote her Wikipedia entry for the rest: "...a 'soccer theme' at the 2006 Wimbledon Championships that included £10 football socks, chandelier earrings, a tube top worn over a strappy vest top, tiny running shorts and a headband; pink knee-high socks at the 2006 JPMorgan Chase Open; and a loosely draped beige top, with a crocheted waist and split sleeves that resembled a toga and beige knee-high socks at the 2006 US Open."
Apparently she doesn't do the on-court shenanigans anymore -- although if she ever plays Venus I hope she does it again, because that would be nirvana -- but she does still play in knee socks. I might love her. Cut to six months from now when I'm writing Mattek-Sands/Williams fan-fic.
Ana Ivanovic
This entire dress is on the cocktail menu at some place called, like, Lei Me Down. Parenthetically, I always thought Tiki Barber should open a tiki bar that was also a barber shop.
Caroline Wozniacki
I love Woz. She's adorable. At first I thought it was going to be the sleeve I didn't like, but now actually I think it's the wonkus waistline, which appears to be elastic and more crooked than a Ponzi scheme.
Maria Sharapova
This is practically just a tennis dress with detachable sleeves. Which, incidentally, don't even look like they were MEANT to be detachable. It's like she was on her way to this event when a tennis match broke out in the street and she tore it up and now she's exhausted and her sleeve are falling off and she just wants to go lie down in front of the TV and watch Harry Potter. Or is that me? Sometimes I get us confused.
Tali Lennox
This is evidently Annie Lennox's daughter. She is not a tennis player; she's a model. She also apparently likes to wear blankets, which I guess makes sense, because sweet dreams are made of those.
Sorana Cirstea
This is a bit TWO! TWO! TWO DRESSES IN ONE! But in a surprisingly cute way. Rock on, Romania.
Sania Mirza
Sania is sort of fascinating -- apparently, she's been subject to a lot of controversy simply for wearing short tennis attire, and later for showing the balls of her feet in public at a tournament while sitting in front of an Indian flag, for which she was almost punished under the Prevention of Insults to National Honour Act. The "controversy" section of her Wikipedia page is really juicy. She also married a Pakistani cricketer, but things were delayed when someone else claimed to be married to him. He swore it wasn't true, but eventually agreed to divorce her so he could marry Sania. To which I say, how could he divorce her if he WASN'T actually married to her? So... dude, just admit it.
Sania's sock tan is my favorite. Holy cats. If I were a tennis player I would require an SPF IV and then some kind of sunscreen sprayer I could walk through every thirty seconds, or else I'd burn to a crisp and turn the color of this dress.
Kimberly Wyatt
You are probably aware that Kim here is also not a tennis player, being as she's an ex-Pussycat Doll and repeat Fug Madness nominee. I am pretty sure Carol Channing would like her Sunday blouse back, though, and trust me, Kim, that kitty likes to SCRATCH.
Andrea Petkovic
I might love this girl. Apparently, she has a YouTube show she does in German and English, wherein she gives away prizes, repeatedly makes fun of herself, and teaches fans to do something she calls the "world-famous Petko dance."
However, I seriously think she just threw a blazer over what she wore to practice.
Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova
I don't have any interesting stories about this lady. I'm so grievously sorry for that. I'm sure they're OUT THERE, but she just is editing them out of her Wikipedia page. Right? Right. her shoes are sort of wackadoo. It looks like her feet are wearing a shawl.
Jelena Jankovic
Both she AND her dress have a pony-tail. How matchy!