Alek Wek in Balenciaga

How could I NOT lead with this? Alek Wek wore this on the runway, and repeated it here, and I LOVE that. This is insane in the best, most Fashion Town kind of way, and Alek Wek is giving it THE MOST dignity. She is special.

Nicole Kidman in Oscar de la Renta

This is fine, right? It's pretty. It's not transportive, which is what Oscar used to be, and may never be again. But it's not embarrassing, either.

Karlie Kloss in DVF

She looks fantastic. But for any old event, you know? A Target opening, a movie premiere, a book signing. Where's the specialness?

Priyanka Chopra in Michael Kors

Ditto this. I think Priyanka looks fab in it, but she could as easily have worn it on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

Joan Smalls

GLORIOUS. She is... just perfect. THAT is how to make me forget that the gown isn't all that revolutionary.

Martha Hunt

I do not cosign the placement of the slit.

Coco Rocha in Cynthia Rowley

Oh girl. The ONLY reason this didn't get laughed out of the building is because Coco Rocha is a goddamn professional, right? This is $12 dollars that would have been better spent on eBay.

Hilary Rhoda in Marchesa

I decided lace shouldn't count as a pattern, per se. This would be lovelier to me without the mustache at her waist.

Gigi Hadid

Guesses online for this included The Row, which feels very right. It is VERY Come To Our Group Soul-Cleaning Ceremony And Leave With Workbooks That Inexplicably Cost You $500.

Hailey Baldwin

Nope

Meg Ryan in Christian Siriano

She looks GREAT and I am so happy to see her. Welcome back, Meg.

Adriana Lima

This jumpsuit is so bored with itself that even the belt can't be bothered.

Heidi Klum

Did she JUST leave the beach? Like, ten minutes ago?

Gloria Steinem and Kathy Najimy (in Christian Siriano)

It sounds like everyone was pretty starstruck to see Steinem there. Meanwhile, Christian made Kathy a fabulous dress. 

Olivia Palermo in Banana Republic

This is from her new collection for the store, and supposedly costs about $150. Even with that being the cheapest thing in the room, I still don't think I'd pay it for something that wrinkles that terribly just from sitting in a car. She looks like a clown on Valentine's Day.

Amber Valletta

Lovely, but I'd trade the red shoes for metallics, and the pale lips for red. Deal?

Riley Montana in Brandon Maxwell

I admittedly don't know who Riley Montana is, but YES.

Brit Marling in Sies Marjan

Well, total credit to her for something experimental and voluminous and odd. It's VERY Fashion. It also reminds me of stuff my music teacher wore in the 80s, but I adored her, so I'm smiling.

Bella Hadid in Off White

Bella, you look SO MUCH BETTER when you are wearing real clothes. This is pretty, and it's just as effective if not more so than showing us your entire abdomen.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead in Lela Rose

This is FABULOUS and also technically a pattern. Sorry. Kate Middleton wants it. You KNOW she wants this. She will HAVE IT.

Sara Sampaio

And we conclude with a caftan, because it's summer and I'm not ready to wear anything else right now.

Fear Not, Pattern-Haters: The CFDAs Boasted Plenty of Solid Color Outfits Also

Alek Wek wins for audacity, Joan Smalls for sleekness, and Meg Ryan for surprising me by appearing.