Mario Fernandes of Russia and Salem Al-Dawsari of Saudi Arabia

I missed this match because I hadn't bothered to check the time difference. Brilliant. Anyway, this is a portrait of stellar lean musculature and also some flagrant casual grabbing.

Yasir Al-Shahrani and Aleksandr Golovin

LOOK THAT LEG. HOLY CATS. Also this looks so keenly timed, like theyagreed ahead of time to kick on three.

Yury Gazinsky

Yury struck first, in what would turn out to be the winning goal. He is adorable. It is very complicated to be excited for Russians right now, as you can imagine, so I remind myself that they are not their leadership -- just as I am not.

And WHAT, WHO HAVE WE HERE in the top center of this huddle? He shows GREAT PROMISE. Also, these uniforms are nice enough. There is blue in the flag, so I wish it had a touch of that here; the away uniforms might. I do think it's interesting that the script almost looks cyrillic.

Yuri Zhirkov and Mohammed Alburayk

Alburayk is cute. Look how high these dudes can jump, also. I can barely get a foot off the air.

Yasir Al-Shahrani and Mario Fernandes

I learned herein that Saudi Arabia goes by KSA -- "Kingdom of Saudi Arabia" -- and that its flag is green and white, so that explains the color choice for the home kit. It's a bit boring, but honestly, that's okay. When uniforms try to be fashion statements, it gets exhausting.

Goalkeeper Abdullah Almuaiouf of KSA

I assume this didn't end well.

When you catch soccer in stills, it looks so absurd. There is always at least one dude rolling around on the pitch, one diving toward the ball, at least two sets of legs that look like they're hopelessly entangled, and several people waving their hands and/or standing around looking indignant.

Golovin and Abdullah Otayf

I am admittedly weak on which kinds of manhandling are and are not fouls in soccer, and basketball for that matter, but... I mean, that's probably not legal, right?

Aleksandr Golovin and Yahya Al-Shehri

"It would be a shame if I ruined my very good face by smashing it against this soccer ball, but it's too late to re-think this career choice."

Alan Dzagoev and Omar Othman

Now THAT is threading the needle.

Yuri Zhirkov and Taiseer Al Jassam

"The Rockettes WILL accept us this year, Yuri. I can feel it."

Artem Dzyuba

"GUYS I DON'T WANT TO SCARE YOU BUT THERE IS A SPIDER ON THE GROUND RIGHT HERE AND IT'S PRETTY BIG, AT LEAST THE SIZE OF MY THUMB, EVERYBODY STAY AWAY BECAUSE IT LOOKS HUNGRY."

Sergei Ignashevich

"DON'T YOU POKE THAT BALL. I AM ABOUT TO BREAK THE WORLD LEVITATION RECORD."

Russia v Saudi Arabia, Group A, 2018 FIFA World Cup football match, Luzhniki Stadium, Moscow, Russia - 14 Jun 2018

Now I kind of wish I had watched the ceremony. This looks like the level of effort people put into attending Harry and Meghan's wedding in Windsor, and I mean that as a compliment.

Something tells me this was more effective from above.

Iker Casillas

Iker is the Spanish goalie; when Spain won in 2010 his girlfriend was the sports reporter covering it and he famously planted one on her on live TV. They trotted him out to deliver the trophy, and yes, he looks very handsome.

Ronaldo

And Brazilian legend Ronaldo also attended, in a suit combo that's kind of drab. Give us some of your home nation's panache, good sir.

Robbie Williams

That is rather more panache than perhaps was needed. He looks like a new Leisure Suit Larry.

with Russian soprano Aida Garifullina

These two performed together, and as it all ended Robbie apparently flipped the bird right at the TV cameras, which is a breach of Russian law that could get him fined. It's also just kind of dumb. You dolt, Robert.

If you follow me on Instagram, you know I like photos of things through other things. This is quite the doozy, no?

World Cup Thighlights: Day One

I'm devoted to these arts.