Amandine Henry, France

I had to start with my favorite uniforms of the entire shebang. How did I not see these before? Is this the first time they wore them? Surely not. I LOVE the polka dots . Also: QUADS.

If it's sock shots you want, then sock shots you shall receive.

Tamires (Brazil) and Amandine Henry (France)

"No, I DON'T want to wear you as a belt, thanks." This seems like as good a time as any to note that I think my issue with Brazil's kit is that it's too much. Yellow and green tops with white shorts and blue socks... they're all on the flag, sure, but they don't feel cohesive.

Beatriz (Brazil), Marion Torrent (France)

"OW! I HOPE YOU ARE BOOKING HER! SHE HAS CLEARLY VIOLATED MY FACE! MY NOSE HAS FALLEN OFF IN SUCH A WAY THAT I CAN FIX IT ABOUT TEN SECONDS AFTER YOU BOOK HER, BUT FOR NOW I AM DYING."

Viviane Asseyi (France), Kathellen (Brazil)

You know how I feel about the hugs. I often forget how many of these women play on club teams together, or knew each other in college, or even are just good and thoughtful sports.

Eugenie Le Sommer (France), Marta (Brazil)

This is a happier hug, although I guess we can't see it from Marta's side. Speaking of Marta...

Marta

Marta is one of the greats: She's the first footballer of any gender to score in five different World Cups (this is her fifth), holds the record for any gender of most goals WC goals scored (17), and she's also been to four Olympics. She's a legend. And she wore red lipstick for a must-win against Italy because "we need to leave blood on the pitch," and it worked, so she did it again with France. It didn't that time. But she's still fierce.

I have NO idea why she was making these faces; there were about five photos of her mugging and they made me laugh.

Anam Imo (Nigeria) and Lina Magull (Germany)

Nigeria went to its more sedate uniforms, although I do love that shade of green. On the whole they aced their unis.

Giulia Gwinn (Germany) and Chidinma Okeke (Nigeria)

"If you would just hold STILL for a second, I could see how you did the top of your hair."

Giulia Gwinn

I love this photo. There's something very Game of Thrones about it. I keep expecting her to swing her head and then thwack the ball with her braid.

Karina Saevik (Norway) and Hayley Raso (Australia)

I LOVE Norway's ombre uniforms.  I do NOT love this weirdly messy design from Australia, so I guess that evens out. Also: QUADS.

Sam Kerr (Australi) and Maren Mjelde (Norway)

I hope these players do a lot of yoga, so that these sorts of contortions don't rip them apart.

Hayley Raso

Yes, Hayley. That DOES look agonizing.

England v. Cameroon

This match was odd. England won 3-0, but Cameroon felt like the refs called it unevenly, and in England's favor, from an offside call they didn't believe in to their use -- and also non-use -- of video review. At one point, I read that the team during a long delay was debating refusing to continue play. It was a big old mess, with Phil Neville and others saying that Cameroon was shaming the sport of soccer and setting a bad example, to the Cameroon coach saying they were setting a GOOD example by not actually quitting in the face of biased officiating... it was ugly. 

Jill Scott

At least England got jaunty hats out the whole thing.

Megan Rapinoe (USA) and Marta Corredera (Spain)

"OW YOU HAVE CLEARLY BROKEN MY NOSE WITH YOUR MIND!!!"

Megan Rapinoe

I don't know if Rapinoe swapped jerseys with Marta or someone else, but they were both so happy to do it. They're the only players that did, as far as I could see; they both played extremely tough and I've always liked this sign of respect.

Jennifer Hermoso (Spain) and Samantha Mewis (USA)q

I love what a dramatic photo this is.

Tobin Heath and Alexia Putellas (Spain)

"We are going to win the SHIT out of this three-legged race."

Tobin Heath

She can pretty clearly leap one player in a single bound; can we start stacking them up and see how she does?

Alyssa Naeher

That kid seems to be wearing Alyssa's jersey, so maybe it's her child? Or her brother? Or a nephew? Regardless, what a nice hug. Alyssa has a hard job. She's filling the cleats of Hope Solo, who was admittedly never my favorite for a lot of reasons, but who had an aura about her and people certainly treated her like a legend. Alyssa's decision-making has drawn a little criticism and I think people are nervous that the U.S.'s defense and goalie haven't been broadly tested and that the moment might prove too big. I'm rooting for you, Alyssa, and your little dude too.

Sophie Schmidt (Canada) vs. Sweden

This photo almost looks photoshopped.

Sweden's goalie Hedvig Lindahl, Canada's Christie Sinclair

Christie was pipped at the post by Marta -- she became the SECOND human to score in 5 different World Cups, shortly after Marta became the first. I'm sorry she went out, but what a save on this PK by Sweden.

Stina Blackstenius (Sweden)

"OH SHIT DON'T TURN AROUND WE TOTALLY SCORED ON YOU."

Stephanie Labbe, goali, Canada

Oh, man. Goalies. All of these people have to throw themselves into the muck, but the goalie is the one who takes the heat if it goes awry.

China

Aw. Cheer up, y'all. Your unis are good, and the Summer Olympics are next year. (Also OMG the Summer Olympics are next year.)

Barbara Bonanza, Italy

BARBARA BONANZA is an amazing name, and I appreciate both her leg muscles and this shot of her ponytail. I know it's just flipping around as she exerts herself, but I can't help wishing it were just styled up in spikes like that all the time. Like an extra weapon.

Elisa Bartoli (Italy) and Peng Shimeng (China)

I certainly hope Elisa had just headed the ball. 

GOOD GOD. (Luckily, I believe no soccer players were harmed in the making of this photo.)

Italy

Synchronized celebrating!

Milena Bertolini

"I am SO GLAD I wore pants today."

Merel Van Dongen of The Netherlands

Looking at this photo, it feels impossible that she is not falling over, but no, she's planted and kicking.

Aya Sameshima (Japan)

I love that the angle makes this look like she's rolling the ball down her arm.

"Guys? Am I dabbing correctly?

"No, it's more like this." "HANG ON LET ME KICK FIRST."

Saki Kumagai (Japan) and Danielle Van De Donk (Ned)

"Here it is! That third foot you always wished for!"

Not one, but TWO dogpiles of joy.

Vivienne Miedema (NED) and Mana Iwabuchi (Japan)

This is a very calm consolation conversation.

Saki Kumagai and Shanice Van De Sanden

This one, not as much. Yes, YES, FINE, I am choking up. It's just such a tender hug, and the sad players collapsing on the winners just really gets me. GOOD ON YOU. ALL OF YOU.

World Cup Thighlights: The Round of 16

France's uniforms are a DELIGHT.