Nina Dobrev in Reem Acra

Nina wins the night, for looking basically like a continental goddess. It's very summery -- you believe she's been spending her days on a yacht, which she has -- but also the right amount of glam. I could do without the topknot, but I'm so relieved I can't see her undercrackers that I don't care. Because LOOK AT MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ BEHIND HER. That outfit might actually BE the Angel of Death. Nina's face is like, "I KNOW RIGHT? DON'T LOOK."

Nina Dobrev, Jessica Stam, Michelle Rodriguez

And as you can see, Jessica Stam may have one-upped MichRod. With Michelle bent over like that, I actually thought for a second that WAS Stammy's lower body and that she was striking some insane joint-displacing pose.

Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Stam

Why so crabby? People don't wear these things if they don't want to be seen in them. You want us to look. That outfit says, "Pardon me, but have you STARED AT ME SUFFICIENTLY TODAY BECAUSE IF NOT YOU ARE ABOUT TO GET IN SOME SERIOUS OGLING HOURS." You just can't wear that and then get mad when someone who is paid to take pictures of celebs in crazy outfits takes a photo of you in your crazy outfit. That's bad emotional math.

Jessica Stam in Francesco Scognamiglio

I mean. That's basically just an American Apparel ad.

Jessica Stam

IT'S JUST KNICKERS. IT'S UNDERWEAR AND A SEAM. The aliens who take over Earth someday are going to be SO CONFUSED about what we dumb humans defined as "clothes."

Irina Shayk in Versace

You might not think this is sheer, but if you look closely, you can see her underwear. Or vaginal cup. Or whatever it is the kids are using these days to hide their privates beyond just using actual fabric. [From @irinashayk]

Jessica Stam in Francesco Scognamiglio

She looks so HAPPY. And yet she's wearing a loin sheath that's like a discount Givenchy at its worst. [From @jessicastamofficial] [I couldn't get these to embed without weird HTML errors so I'm doing this instead.]

Petra Nemcova in Zuhair Murad

RCFA noted that this might as well have been an Elie Saab, and she's right. It's ostensibly normal but also VERY TENUOUS and if she doesn't walk carefully she's going to show us ALL of her pizza toppings. [From @zuhairmuradofficial]

Nina Dobrev in Reem Acra

Just another look at all her bits and bobs. She wins the night. [From @IlariaUrbinati]

WTFs and Fab: The Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation Gala

So, last night there was a gala in St. Tropez for the Leonardo DiCaprio foundation, and it was a pizza buffet. Most of the pictures aren't available to us -- boring blogger specifics; pour some out for this loss, though, because I would've dearly loved to show you a see-through Versace on Naomi Campbell, and Kate Hudson's semi-sheer Versace-esque Julien Macdonald. Notably, the frequent Queen of Pizza, Chrissy Teigen -- who even posted a photo the next morning of herself in front of a huge array of ACTUAL pizzas -- went with something more full-coverage (the fact of which mildly pings the Uterine Secret radar, but not entirely, because it's not like she spends her whole life in Sheers. It just felt like an event that would've played right into her hands that way), as did Marion Cotillard in a floral Erdem sheath. And, say hello to Leo's Revenant beard. It is robust still. ANYHOO, we do have photos of the worst offenders -- Jessica Stam and Michelle Rodriguez -- arriving alongside a classed-up Nina Dobrev, plus a few shots from celeb Instagrams to shed more light. On their nethers. [Photos: Fame/Flynet]