The Mountain Between Us
Conjoined twin Kate Winslet and conjoined twin Idris Elba wake up one day on a mountain to find they are now connected... TO EACH OTHER. And in love.
Novitiate
A young nun attempts to superglue her faith to her Reverand Mother's. Literally. (FYI, this movie is supposed to be wonderful, and yes, that IS Andie MacDowell's daughter in the title role, and yes, she IS apparently a better actress than her well-meaning mother.)
Blade Runner 2049
"There's something in your ear, Harrison." "What is it?" "I can't tell." "Well I can't see it." "What if you turn REALLY hard toward a mirror or something?" "Ryan, I cannot see DOWN MY OWN EAR." "Are you trying though?" "GOD YOU TWO CAN YOU JUST STOP BICKERING ABOUT HIS EARWAX." "Stay out of this, Jared Leto. Nobody likes you."
Same Kind of Different As Me
In which both Jon Voight and Djimon Honsou were told they were starring in The Last Jedi, rather than a movie in which Renee Zellweger teaches them all how to change the world via a really really rustic backyard barbecue with twinkle lights.
Walking Out
Matt Bomer and Bill Pullman run into each other on a mountain, and realize a shocking truth: They're BOTH VIP customers at LL Bean.
The Secret Scripture
I am going to guess: Rooney Mara has the dark secret, she and Right Dude and possibly also Theo "Mr. Pamouk" James are From The Past, Eric Bana has to make a troubling decision, and Vanessa Redgrave had it written into her contract that her face would not be put on any marketing materials.
The Secret Scripture
"Vanessa? It says right here -- Vanessa, I can't have this conversation with you if you're not going to look at the contract in my hand. You have to listen with your eyes AND your ears, Vanessa. It says -- no, stop looking at Jack Reynor's jaunty scarf please and focus."
Amityville: The Awakening
Bella Thorne's migranes have gotten so bad.
All I See Is You
"Wait, it's not called All I See Is Blue? Guys.... guys did no one want to tell me that before I made this?"
Foreigner
This will do wonderful things for all manner of foreign relations.
Boo! Two: A Madea Halloween
Boy, trouble sure does follow that Madea. I'm surprised anyone hangs out with her anymore. Which... speaking of people whose friends had reason to be concerned, I wonder if Madea, She Wrote, is coming next.
Killing Gunther
In which a bunch of irritated Friends fans FINALLY decide it's time to erase Gunther from existence.
Professor Marston and the Wonder Women
So basically, Wonder Woman came about because some dude and his wife had regular threesomes and learned about sadomasochism. No, seriously. It's like DC Comics' Masters of Sex.
Luke Evans looks like such a cartoon in this one. Bella Heathcote is gazing at that rope as if she's been asked to prove she can tie a knot but can't, and lied on her resume. And Rebecca Hall is like, "I know how... but I'm not going to help her. Is that unkind?"
The Killing of a Sacred Deer
Inscrutable Movie Debuts Inscrutable Poster. All I'm really even processing here is that those ceilings are IMPOSSIBLE to dust.
My Little Pony
Can we talk about this cast list?!? Was Liev Schreiber's divorce PARTICULARLY costly?
Suburbicon
"Guys, it's great that we got Oscar Isaac in here -- he's so hot right now -- but it's not going to work without Matt Damon awkwardly mounting a child's bike. Fix it and you've got a deal."
Breathe
"Let's just stand like this, please. It's how I know we love each other. I can't connect with you if I can't smell your cold cream." "That's lovely but I'm staring RIGHT into about five of your blackheads."
"Oh, this works. I could just gnaw off the blackheads if you like. A human Biore strip."
The Meyerowitz Stories
Aggravating aging comic actors get life advice from The Most Interesting Man in the World.
Goodbye Christopher Robin
I assume they are leaving to find Neverland, for tips on what to borrow from that movie.
Dealt
"He's a magician... BUT HE'S BLIND" is apparently a true story, and probably a good one, but you can't deny that it also sounds like a fake TV show in the background of another show.
Happy Death Day
Is that a cat reflected in the knife? Let's assume it's a cat. Because that makes sense to me.
Mr. Roosevelt
A contortionist snaps herself in half, and must search for her legs when they are sold to a circus.
Only The Brave
IT'S NOT WHAT STANDS IN FRONT OF YOU IT'S WHO STANDS BESIDE YOU AND THAT IS NOT COMMAS OR OTHER PUNCTUATION THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE
BPM
This movie is about the AIDS crisis in the 90s and is supposed to be great. But the poster makes it look like it's about a brand new gigglejuice being passed around that turns every rave into the opening credits of Fame.
The Square
You Can Run From Geometry, But You Can't Hide.
Wonderstruck
That's a very lovely piece of art, but I am not ENTIRELY sure why these two nice children from different eras are both being chased by wolves. Or why there is only one giraffe. Doesn't she merit a giraffe?!? Come on now.
Acts of Vengeance
"Screw you, Liam Neeson. You cannot have all the fun."
Better Watch Out
In which Elizabeth Wakefield finally snaps, and Jessica and Todd fight for their lives.
Geostorm
Or, The Day After The Day After Tomorrow: More.
2307: Winter's Dream
The Centuries After The Day After The Day After Tomorrow: Lots, Lots More.