Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

That said, I don't know why he's in his bathtub with a pile of his own laundry on top of him. (Laundry, in fact, is kind of a weird running theme in this shoot.) Don't most people in and drink coffee in the tub...you know, naked? As it's a bath? I'm already a little confused. Also putting Fassbender fully clothed in a bathtub is MEAN.

Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

"Sometimes, I pile my laundry on top of me in the tub. Sometimes, I hide under a big pile of it on my sofa."

This whole shoot is basically like, "Michael Fassbender is HANDSOME but might be weird to live with."

Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

"I like this crewneck sweater, but it makes my Adam's apple itch. You guys, what do I do? YOU GUYS?"

Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

"I'm not kidding, My sweater is causing me real existential anxiety."

Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

This bicep is curing MY existential angst, though, I gotta tell you. As is his facial scruff.

Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

I do wish I'd been a fly on the wall for the pitch for some of these shots. "Picture it! You're hanging woolen socks on the line to dry and you look up, and MICHAEL FASSBENDER IS THERE!!! In kind of a cropped jacket! And you're like, 'is this sexy? Or is he a weird handsome drifter?'"

Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

"But all he really wants to do is help you fold jean shorts!"

Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

"And then he, like, puts on a different coat and goes back inside and looks REALLY HOT but also is rolling around in the laundry again for some reason? Just go with it."

Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

"Sometimes, he does yoga in the corner of the bathroom where previously he was reading the tub, and balances a coffee in one hand while trying to absorb a book's contents via osmosis through his forehead, because...BECAUSE!"

Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

"And sometimes he's SUDDENLY IN COLOR like it's The Wizard of Oz but he's still weirdly mopey even though he's got a plate of peanuts to eat and a full serving of Red Bull lurking in frame."

Michael Fassbender in T Magazine

I will still high-five you, Fassy. Especially in that sweet suit. Saving the best for last.

Your Afternoon Man: Michael Fassbender in T: The New York Times Style Magazine

Like I wasn't going to start with the one of him in the bathtub. COME ON. (I am not alone. That is also the image that T put on the front of the fall men's style issue. WE KNOW.) [Photos: T, Bruce Weber]