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Zendaya in Roberto Cavalli

PARIS, FRANCE - NOVEMBER 29: (EDITOR'S NOTE: Image contains partial nudity.) Actress Zendaya attends the Ballon D'Or photocall at Theatre du Chatelet on November 29, 2021 in Paris, France. (Photo by Marc Piasecki/WireImage)

This photo had a "partial nudity" warning on it, but... do I need my eyes checked? I can't see anything untoward through this (and frankly, we don't usually get that warning on stuff that is WHOLLY nude, so...). In fact, the trick of this dress is that if you only see it from certain angles you will miss the action, and from THIS angle you can't tell there's anything happening at all.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Laurent Vu/SIPA/Shutterstock (12623542aa) Zendaya attending the Ballon D'Or photocall at Théâtre du Chatelet Photocall At The Chatelet In Paris Theatre, france - 29 Nov 2021

This is this is like partly partial nudity, MAYBE. So weird. Anyway, now we can see there's an open back...

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Laurent Vu/SIPA/Shutterstock (12623542v) Zendaya attending the Ballon D'Or photocall at Théâtre du Chatelet Photocall At The Chatelet In Paris Theatre, france - 29 Nov 2021

It says so much for how stunning she is that, here, we can tell there's some wacky metal shit going down back there, and yet I still don't really look at it very long before going right back to her face.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Laurent Vu/SIPA/Shutterstock (12623542k) Zendaya attending the Ballon D'Or photocall at Théâtre du Chatelet Photocall At The Chatelet In Paris Theatre, france - 29 Nov 2021

The "wacky metal shit" of which I so gracefully spoke is basically a Cavalli spine. I'm not saying people can't try stuff, but boy, does this come across like refried Schiaparelli. And all the strings and stuff... Schiaparelli would have created that with more elegance, I think, or at least less dental floss.

Tom Holland

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Laurent Vu/SIPA/Shutterstock (12623542m) Tom Holland attending the Ballon D'Or photocall at Théâtre du Chatelet Photocall At The Chatelet In Paris Theatre, france - 29 Nov 2021

He's very cute in his thick-framed specs.

Julien Fournie

PARIS, FRANCE - NOVEMBER 29: Designer Julien Fournie attends the Ballon D'Or photocall at Theatre du Chatelet on November 29, 2021 in Paris, France. (Photo by Marc Piasecki/WireImage)

I wasn't that drawn to anything that anybody else wore, except for this man, who is a designer. I want him to show up to Country House Party to solve a murder, even though he's primarily an illusionist.

Zendaya Took Us On a Real Journey Here
And (may have) brought Tom Holland for the ride...

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