Johnny Depp

I'm concerned he has given up on his Deppness, which is not something I personally understood much of because I missed the "21 Jump Street" years (they didn't air those in England), but I have it on good authority that they were full of sizzing cheekbones and sexy sexyness.

Tom Cruise

And this guy might be back on the Flowbee.

Brad Pitt

And something about Brad in this photo (that's the documentarian behind something he produced) makes me pass him right by -- like, I would have assumed he was some random German actor who people refer to as The Brad Pitt of Europe and I would've laughed and thought, "NICE TRY, I'll take the original, thanks for playing." I don't know what it is. Maybe the glasses?

Brad Pitt

Or maybe the whipped dessert that his hair is trying to be. I don't know. For some reason, his Pittness slipped away a bit for me for a second, like my car keys, and no matter how many times I check my purse it's just not in there.

Fug the Head-Suits: Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, and Brad Pitt

Let's check in on three erstwhile heartthrobs who are becoming -- kind of like Intern George has -- one of those Hot Guys We'll Talk About Fondly To Our Kids And They Will Look At Us Strangely And Go, "Whatever, Mom, He's Old, I Don't Get It," and then we'll have to fire up the old YouTubes that will, by then, be implanted in our heads. [Photos: Fame/Flynet, WENN]