Sarah Jessica Parker

Starting at the bottom, I was surprised to see the minty shoes poking out from under the skirt -- kind of an interesting, fun choice for a gown that is total fashion Champagne, from the color to all the bubbling bling, to the part where it might be giving me a little bit of a headache and making me say things I don't feel and then call someone random from my phone to tell them they're talented and special. One negative: Is it just me, or does the beading in her groin area make kind of an abstract panty shape?

Gwyneth Paltrow

I think I an see Gwyneth's bra. But her hair looks magnificent. For some reason I can't look at this gown without seeing the old Family Feud scoreboard. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I actually think GOOPY looks rather pretty.

Sarah Jessica Parker

Then again, SJP has Andy Cohen.

Gwyneth Paltrow

But Gwynnie has Kaiser Karl, and a naked back (did you doubt it for a second? I thought SJP would have too, but no).

Sarah Jessica Parker

But, SJP has Andy Cohen. And I'm not sure which one I think would be more fun. Karl Lagerfeld would probably be intelligent, cutting, funny, and also inscrutable and terrifying, whereas Andy Cohen and I could do some real damage to a bottle of actual Champers (not just the fashion kind) and end up getting Twitter-married and then waking up the next morning wondering where we got Joan Collins's silk turban from and oh hell is that George Clooney bound and gagged in the bathtub?

Met Ball Fuger or Fabber Carpet: Sarah Jessica Parker vs GOOP

You know the Met Ball was well-attended when we're more than halfway through the second day of our coverage, and I just said, "Oh, hell, we haven't even covered SJP and Gwynnie yet." So why not cover them together? They both went with austere necklines in a nude color with a lot of sparkles, but of course, within those similarities there is room for a lot of differences. Shall we get ready to rumble? BRING IT, LADIES. [poll id="2411"]