Listen, I wholly appreciate any attempt to look dapper and well turned-out, avoiding the messy trucker caps and high-tops that look like giant pillows.
But Nick Jonas on the left up there looks like he stole those pants from a touring production of Death of a Salesman (and... I hope that's a money clip of some ilk, or else there seems to be a tag on the back); Kevin in the middle looks like his collar is about to throttle him and might not be wearing any socks; and Joe.... well, for a second, I didn't even recognize Joe. But once I correctly ID'd his head, my gaze traveled down to what appear to be some incredibly ill-fitting pants (that is more... er... Jonas Pelvis than I generally expect on a Tuesday) and a shirt that might actually be deeply hilarious, if I didn't secretly fear that it's the precursor to a Birds-style movie about how butterflies really resent our giant nets and scrapbooks and want to flutter our jugulars wide open. I am not really sure One Direction is going to find these guys terribly threatening to their Teen Girl dominance (there is a sandwich shop near me that lets people decorate their bags and hang them on the wall, and there's an ENTIRE SECTION dedicated to "I Heart One Direction"), but then again, I've seen their hair, so maybe we should just throw all these dudes in a cage and make a supergroup out of the first four to get out intact.
[Photo: Splash]