JASON: Melissa. You look like a long, cool cocktail.
MELISSA: Thanks, Jason. I've never gotten that one before.
JASON: Indeed, you leave me stirred, but not shaken, unlike my martinis.
MELISSA: What?
JASON: You might say it paisley to discover... wait, hang on, I'm trying to workshop the pun...
MELISSA: Are you having a stroke?
JASON: No! I'm just being Statham. Jason Statham.
MELISSA: Oh, lord. Is this about James Bond again?
JASON: Don't you think I'd be a good one?
MELISSA: I just don't know, Jason. Being in a spy comedy might kind of spoil that whole 007 spy drama dream.
JASON: But but but! I'm British, and I wear suits, and... there's wordplay, and...
MELISSA: I don't know what it is, Jason, but you don't read James Bond to me. You seem more like That Guy From The Local Pub Who I Hired To Punch My Boss In The Stomach than the world's slickest secret agent.
JASON: But I'm an action hero! I was Transpondster! And expendable!
MELISSA: Transporter. And The Expendables.
JASON: Whatever! And those car-racing movies! I've done it all! I'm FULL BOND.
MELISSA: Chill, dude. It's time for a Jemma Bond anyway. Let the bodies of MALE suitors pile up like sweaters for a change. People with names like Jack Tickle and Willie Package-Johnson and Peter Codpiece and Eponymous Wang.
JASON: Maybe Jemma Bond can be 008. We could team up. You could get this made. Call your people? Did I mention you look ravishing?
MELISSA: Kick me up to 006 and throw in a part for Bullock, and we'll see, Statham.
[Photo: Getty]